A Brighter Shade of Sun

4 Comments

Tags:
  • Angst
    • ,
  • Sadness
    • ,
  • Inspirational
    • ,
  • Emotional

    Poem Commentary

    I'm trying a free-style here. The words just came out of my heart. It has no rhyme scheme and meter is questionable. But I'll leave it up to you, who read and rate, please be gentle as for me and my new free-style poem reveals how I feel today. Thanks for reading!!

    A Brighter Shade of Sun
    Until the sun disappears
    We laugh and play like kids
    Then, the sun hides beyond the edge
    Into darkness, holding no returns

    For a day in sunlight
    Begins just as it ends
    I am desolate within my fears
    Holding on, trying not to scream

    I won't be heard
    You have no idea
    What, in my skin, I feel
    I hide it like a brighter shade of sun

    In her darkness, under the rim
    Of the world, she hides away
    Leaving only a fraction of a trace
    Of where she's been all day

    The change of tides rush in
    It changes the sands of time
    I wish it would change my mind,
    Open my heart to let you in; save me!

    Poem Comments

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    SavVySam commented on A Brighter Shade of Sun

    08-09-2010

    I love this expository writing following your stream of your consciousness~I have done a few of these myself and I find they do seem to cut very close to the skin...nicely done!
    Reply to Comment

    Zep

    08/10/2010

    Thanks SavVy Sam... I must go look into your 'room' to read some of your poetry again. I love visiting you, you are gifted as a writer and poet. I do so appreciate your time in reading and commenting my work. You are very kind, indeed!!

    ginga commented on A Brighter Shade of Sun

    06-02-2010

    Zep, I love that you poured an instantaneous thought out here. It is like a stream of consciousness poem worded with such brutal honesty and passion. ginga
    Reply to Comment

    Zep

    06/02/2010

    Thank you for such an awesome review, I'm so grateful for your insightful comments. Yes, this is new for me as you see with my other poetry. I kind'a stick to a rhyme scheme as I find it more easy to write. Here I stretched my initiative to my spontaneity... :)

    dahlusion commented on A Brighter Shade of Sun

    05-26-2010

    "In her darkness, under the rim Of the world, she hides away Leaving only a fraction of a trace Of where she's been all day"—this is a big wow! I love the honesty of this write, the imagery, and liquid flow. Bravo!
    Reply to Comment

    Zep

    05/30/2010

    WoW Dah...!!!!! What an exciting review!!! Thank you!!! I'm glad you like it and with all my heart, this came out within 10-15 minutes. I didn't even draft it first. This was exactly how I felt the day I wrote it!!! That's particularly why I love your review!!! Peace!!!!

    If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

    Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

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