always there

7 Comments

Tags:
  • Lost Love
    • ,
  • Emotional
    • ,
  • Inspirational

    Poem Commentary

    it may seem a little down but its my feelings and i hope you like it/ p.s. please leave comments it helps me write better and more poems!!!!!!

    always there

    when i first saw you, i saw your beautiful face
    i saw that you where going to be my knight and shining armor that loves me for me
    i remember when you saw when i was down when i didnt show it
    you knew me when i didnt
    you knew that i was going through hard times and was always there
    not there to tell me what to do but
    a shoulder to cry on
    you knew i would tell you my every secret and never tell no one
    you knew me inside out
    your my light to my day
    your my wind to a hot summer day
    your my key to my heart
    stay with me
    and keep me in your heart
    i love you nothing can change that but i would be a little scared if you didnt love me back.................

    Poem Comments

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    brokenhearted11 commented on always there

    08-17-2010

    its a very nice poem youve got here! my favorite part is :your my light to my day your my wind to a hot summer day your my key to my heart" the ohnly thing i owuld have to say is to find a bit more variation to your words, instead of repeating the same ones over and over. good work! keep writing :)
    Reply to Comment

    tynise1014

    08/17/2010

    Thanks broken

    girlygirl1234 commented on always there

    06-21-2010

    this is very good. i feel the emotion in this poem. and your boyfriend must be stupid to not talk to a girl like you. you seem like a very nice person who is in love
    Reply to Comment

    tynise1014

    06/22/2010

    Thanks gg. He is well a bit of a jerk..... I cry and now I'm sad

    SuSpence commented on always there

    06-07-2010

    This was a very good write tynise. You are too critical of yourself. While I see a small margin for improvement, which will come with time and experience both in writing and in life, I see you have the key ingredients of a poet. You write about truth, and you write with passion. These are the things that cannot be taught. Technique, style, structure, form, all teachalbe. But the heart of a poet/musician/artist is something you must be born with, or pick up alongside the highway of life which we all travel. You set a good tone for this piece, I would just say in the future try to delve more into your metaphors, look at all things in a differant light and see how you can relate them to others. This will improve your writing. Try listening to the Beatles 'Across the Universe' and pay attention to the lyrics. John Lennon was interviewed and described that song as his attempt to answer his wife's question where does he come up with ideas to write, and how do they come, and the song lyrics are his decription. This song taught me a lot about poetry. Lovely write ty, hope this helps. ~Spence
    Reply to Comment

    tynise1014

    06/10/2010

    thanks spence. that means alot. i am still working on writing better poems and how to correct them:) not my biggest forte but i dnt mind experimenting!

    Phoenix9 commented on always there

    06-06-2010

    Hmm what does he not understand, it's all written there for him, about him and how you feel,, you went in deep and exposed true feelings, a very good write,, I agree with Londo as constructive help, keep up the good work PHOENIX
    Reply to Comment

    tynise1014

    06/10/2010

    i dont knw! he said he changed his mined we dont talk anymore. :) but i will be ok:)

    Sydney commented on always there

    06-05-2010

    wow, this is really good. something sentimental to you and the person you wrote it for. keep on writing Sydney
    Reply to Comment

    tynise1014

    06/05/2010

    Hey syd thanks for the comment can't wait for your wonderful novel. Keep writing :)ty

    Poetry is not the expression of personality but an escape from personality.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

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