Clearing

5 Comments

Clearing

Clearing

Wafts of Lavender swelled on breezes,
 dank mists hovered the rocky coastline
I gazed at the picture before me and breathed deeply
A melody came from childhood days
I closed my eyes to feel the message from the past
It settled peacefully in my heart
Grace, acceptance rushes over me

Opening my eyes, I witnessed a new journey
Wanting to understand my path, I breathed in again
Doors flew open, winds thrashed and rain fell upon my soul
Embraced by love, as I was, I wept

-MJacobs


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Paolo commented on Clearing

12-20-2009

I was excited to read this work because of the vivid elements you share as if a cartolina or a postal-card one receives. You are finding yourself gazing at the photo. There is a suggestion I have that if you consider it, this may make your work stronger. You speak in past tense, telling the reader of a memory. I read this in present tense and instead of listening to a retelling of it I became directly connected to this place. Here is example, "Wafts of Lavender swells on breezes, dank mists clings to the rocky coastline. I gaze at that before me and breath deeply A melody comes from childhood days I close my eyes to feel the message from the past I settle peacefully in my heart Grace, acceptance rushes over me" Changing it to present tense puts me in the moment with you as the reader. I then feel the emotions the voice of the poem presents and instead of me being disconnected from the work I am in it. Your transition from the quietness of the scent of lavender setting peacefully to the thrashing rain creates in just a few lines the complicated dynamics that occur from one to the other. What to some may be a tempest, for you has become a warm embrace so touching that the voice is moved to tears. This is an excellent work. Another of yours that I want to read again.

danmartyjake1

12/21/2009

Thanks for reading and for making the suggestions.

Chaos128 commented on Clearing

12-10-2009

You can't move into the future if you dwell in the past; a concept exquisitely illustrated here!

danmartyjake1

12/10/2009

Thanks for that comment. I appreciate your reading my poems and expressing your thoughts.

Artie commented on Clearing

09-13-2009

It is truly amazing how accepting our past, can open a new future. 10 from me

danmartyjake1

09/14/2009

Thanks for your supportive words.

hdmac commented on Clearing

09-12-2009

Wow-beautiful imagery. I like the fact that you wept at the end-overwhelmed.

danmartyjake1

09/13/2009

Thanks for your thoughts and understanding.

trocka7 commented on Clearing

09-08-2009

This is so very beautiful, jake....I loved every line, it felt very much like you were describing my own experience....I know exactly what space you were in when you felt this. This is going into my favorites!

danmartyjake1

09/09/2009

Thanks for sharing your feelings about my poem. Perhaps that is the most rewarding thing about writing for me.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

danmartyjake1’s Poems (99)

Title Comments
Title Comments
Embrace Truth 3
Testament of Un-Clutching 14
Love Transcends All 5
Something For Me 5
Pockets Lined With Jade 3
I Remain 7
Forgiveness Haiku 8
Nothingness 7
Vampire Kiss 14
Seething 7
Baby Star 7
Let Me Show You 6
I Don't Care Anymore 7
The Path Forward 7
New World 20
Message from a Scandal 19
seraph seduction 29
Meditation Haiku 12
Flecks of Light 13
Desire 8
CODA 6
Twins Haiku 5
Night on the Farm 7
For the Bereft 8
Love Haiku 10
Winter Haiku 9
Vampires' Moon 13
Huntress 12
Dear Mommy 12
Remembrance 10
Loves Gambler 3
Pirate Love 10
Eternal Memory Kept 13
The Only Way to Win 22
Waiting 12
The Message to Be 8
Soul Riding 12
Pray to Stay 7
Naked Love 12
Kismet 19
Down to Pieces and Parts 10
Bold Love 10
Spirit Body 17
Earth Love 19
Away to the Garden 11
True Friends 13
Feathers & Light 10
Thoughts on the Holiday 11
Grief Abounds 10
Dark Mossy Tree 7
Something Preserved 4
Ecstasy 11
Angels Had Songs 23
For Ardor 14
Arise from the Assault 7
Crossroads 5
In That Place 7
Rage 10
Carry the Flame 52
Lurks A Villain 13
Little Son 10
If You Don't Believe In Heaven 8
Passions' Dark Embrace 9
Swim Team 5
A Trainer's Mantra 8
At first Glance 7
Perseverance 9
America Rise Up 5
Cyclist 2
As Dusk Became Dawn 7
No School Today 4
Cheers for a Song 1
At Mother's Tender Breast 4
Innocence Departed 10
Water Dance 11
Honesty 11
Innocent 3
Nor'Easter 6
Wind 7
Stoned Love 7
Dance the Dance 11
Tribute 2
Wonder 7
All Proper Hollow Staples 5
Stormy 10
A Lover Knows 6
Prayer's Light 8
Child Dream 13
Forgiveness Prayer 8
My Prince 10
Twilight 8
Carriage 3
A Heart's Song 3
Barter 3
Hearth 5
Transcendance 6
Clearing 5
Fields of Jasmine 17
A Little Part of Us 9