Clearing

5 Comments

Tags:
  • Hope
    • ,
  • Memories
    • ,
  • Realization
    • ,
  • Emotional
    • ,
  • Love
    • ,
  • Inspirational

    Clearing
    Clearing

    Wafts of Lavender swelled on breezes,
     dank mists hovered the rocky coastline
    I gazed at the picture before me and breathed deeply
    A melody came from childhood days
    I closed my eyes to feel the message from the past
    It settled peacefully in my heart
    Grace, acceptance rushes over me

    Opening my eyes, I witnessed a new journey
    Wanting to understand my path, I breathed in again
    Doors flew open, winds thrashed and rain fell upon my soul
    Embraced by love, as I was, I wept

    -MJacobs


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    Paolo commented on Clearing

    12-20-2009

    I was excited to read this work because of the vivid elements you share as if a cartolina or a postal-card one receives. You are finding yourself gazing at the photo. There is a suggestion I have that if you consider it, this may make your work stronger. You speak in past tense, telling the reader of a memory. I read this in present tense and instead of listening to a retelling of it I became directly connected to this place. Here is example, "Wafts of Lavender swells on breezes, dank mists clings to the rocky coastline. I gaze at that before me and breath deeply A melody comes from childhood days I close my eyes to feel the message from the past I settle peacefully in my heart Grace, acceptance rushes over me" Changing it to present tense puts me in the moment with you as the reader. I then feel the emotions the voice of the poem presents and instead of me being disconnected from the work I am in it. Your transition from the quietness of the scent of lavender setting peacefully to the thrashing rain creates in just a few lines the complicated dynamics that occur from one to the other. What to some may be a tempest, for you has become a warm embrace so touching that the voice is moved to tears. This is an excellent work. Another of yours that I want to read again.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/21/2009

    Thanks for reading and for making the suggestions.

    Chaos128 commented on Clearing

    12-10-2009

    You can't move into the future if you dwell in the past; a concept exquisitely illustrated here!
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/10/2009

    Thanks for that comment. I appreciate your reading my poems and expressing your thoughts.

    Artie commented on Clearing

    09-13-2009

    It is truly amazing how accepting our past, can open a new future. 10 from me
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    09/14/2009

    Thanks for your supportive words.

    hdmac commented on Clearing

    09-12-2009

    Wow-beautiful imagery. I like the fact that you wept at the end-overwhelmed.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    09/13/2009

    Thanks for your thoughts and understanding.

    trocka7 commented on Clearing

    09-08-2009

    This is so very beautiful, jake....I loved every line, it felt very much like you were describing my own experience....I know exactly what space you were in when you felt this. This is going into my favorites!
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    09/09/2009

    Thanks for sharing your feelings about my poem. Perhaps that is the most rewarding thing about writing for me.

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

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