Confessions

You said you he a confession.
What was it?
Could it have been that you're falling
Deep into this,
Deeper than you may believe it is?
Have you sunk into something you can't find a way out of?
What? You think it's something I don't know of?
Try me.
I have a confession too.
God only knows if I'll lose you
Maybe you can tell
Things have changed,
I know this change all too well
Please don't tell me it's not a problem
Please don't say it's just for the phantom.
Don't lie to yourself.
I have a confession now.
This new you makes me sick to my stomach.
Wanna know the truth,
This part I can't even stomach;
You lied and to save your feelings
I pretended I didn't even notice these things
I have a confession, again.
This is like a bullet to my heart
The only one I've had in years
So close to the heart.
Could you confess that you knew it would rip us apart.
I don't think you know just how much you mean to me. That close bond we shared of comforting each other when they went out.
When they drifted off in their pipes you had me an I had you.
Now?
I have a confession, now.
Remember all the friends I had?
The family?
Look at what this has done.
Slowly they were dropping out of my life
One by one.
You were my rock
My bestfriend
Now look,
You've become one that believes the lies
You believe the hype that pots not a drug, I realize
Now.
I'm slowly losing everyone.
Even you.
And see I'd beg for you to come back If i thought you could truly understand. If I thought the old you could still be reached, somewhere under your new self. Under your new make up an hair your new boyfriend your new friends. Your new low self respect.
I remember there was a time we could sit around and talk,
Talk about how much we wanted out
We were going to change the cycle.
We were different
You.
Were.
Different.
I have a confession.
I've cried on more than many occasions
Not only for you
For him
The one that got away
Decided to take a drink,
About me he doesn't even think
Thinkin "fuck man, thought he was the real thing"
I cried for them.
The sibling I used I hold dear
Drama and trauma
Thu can't get enough of the high life but baby they are living so low.
Trust me I'm not saying I'm better than anybody them.
Because just wait, more confessions will set in.
I cried for her
The girl I knew
Eh, not very well but when I was around her my heart would swell
She let the high kick in while she took a bath. I remember the text I got when I woke up in the morning.
It must have been true - she lost it.
Left her body there in that tub while her soul traveled somewhere else. Somewhere new.
Somewhere... Better.
The pot didn't kill her
The person it made her did.
She lost herself a long while ago
I can see, the love
The innocence.
Gone in your face.
I pray for some grace
To handle you with love and go at your own pace
Confession?
I'm just really afraid.
I'm afraid the girl I once knew.
Is never coming back
I wonder if you even want her too
I wider why you do it anyways.
But I'm scared to hear the saddened cliches of it.
Like "oh, It's only for fun, only once in a while, only enough to get a little wild I'm not addicted, and it's not bad for me. Pot is natural and I just use it for....."
A high
An escape
The pain
A scream for help.
There we go
That's more like it
That's the addictive part,
Cunning, baffling and powerful enough to tear you apart.
You can see it in your eyes.
Body language.
Your kindness, sisterhood has changed and you know it.
Don't tell me to just ignore this!!
Fuck it.
Want a real confession
The dinner table lies a few feet away away I ask what's for dinner.
Obviously nothing, living in filth
Living off crackers and milk
I got accustomed to not eating.
Losing weight, changing shape
God I felt the fat fade off and I could finally escape my skin for a minute
The skin that I hated. It suffocated me. The monsters that told me I needed to try something ANYTHING
To live like you.
Like them
After that one very large meal
I just wanted the fade out. The high.
Should I keep going?
Your confessions have become something more about me than you.
Fine.
There the toilet was.
I wasn't going to but
Look at the mirror.
Who are you?!
You're nothing
You're fat
You're ugly
You're depressed
You're alone
And
They don't care
I pulled my hair back in a messy bun
I got on my knees and I know I would be praying in the end.
I threw up every last heartbreak of he last year, every painstaking & breathtaking losses. All the monsters in my head told me
"THIS is who you are now"
Honest Confession?
I hate this person
Just as much as I hate what drugs an alcohol have done to my loved ones
I want help.
I'm working on it.
Me? I did it for the high, an escape
A cry for help.
I sat on the floor and screamed at God
How do I get here?
Why do I have to always be strong and rise above
When I just want to drown!?
One more, I promise I'm almost done
I wish this could make a difference
Maybe it will
I don't know
But, what ever it does for you
For her
For him
For them
You are family
A loved one
And I love you.
Too much to watch this.
I know I can't save you
And you may even think there's no saving to be done.
I see so much you don't.
The potential you have without it
This lifestyle
Don't let it rob you of the good in your heart. The goo in you that was there. A little girl at that little park. Swinging on a swing talking to the new girl. Little did you know those girls would be us today.
I can see you fade away and I'm reaching but my silence isn't loud enough
I don't know how to speak up.
There's one more thing.
One last confession and I'll leave if you want me to.
Just know
I miss you.