Death's best friend, Insanity...

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    Death's best friend, Insanity...

     What if what you thought
    wasnt real, was a lie?
    And there were times you thought
    never existed but did?

    And you cant figure out,
    how to differentiate between reality...
    and the fabrications of your mind?

    To sit in the dark and see
    the stars glitter and twinkle,
    except there arent any windows...
    Youre stuck inside...

    To see youre best friend
    and hang out for a bit...
    Its amazing to see her,
    she went to her death last week...

    To think about flying,
    wanting to feel the wind under youre wings...

    ... Til you figure out youre no bird,
    and your life is gone in a blink.

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    kdarcy commented on Death's best friend, Insanity...

    11-21-2010

    Don't exactly know how I would change it around a bit, but it needs a little sharpening, the concept is fantastic, it shouldn't flow too clear ( at least in my opion ) maybe a slight title change- hell I don't know, I like it very much, take the wind under your wings line out- its way over used and you're talented enough to come up with something better, be well my friend k
    Reply to Comment

    ImStillHere

    11/21/2010

    yeah I couldnt exactly figure out what to call it. haha but that line makes the rest of that make sense! X_X lol and thank you. :D ~Audrey

    kdarcy

    11/21/2010

    Yeah I agree with that but wouldn't it be better the reader figured out the insanity part near the end of the write? like the light coming on and their saying outloud Ahhhhhhh, and reading the piece a second time. Writings tough and we both know not everybody will even try it, be tuff ... figure it out, lol k

    SuperChick62 commented on Death's best friend, Insanity...

    11-12-2010

    VERY NICE! After reading your simple one from before I am EXTREMELY impressed with this one. You show a lot of potential, much more than many your age. Seriously, I do hope you work at bettering yourself, 'cause girl, you got skill. Your wording here was very nice, and for a "free-verse" poem it flowed ok(but I'm biased against free-verse, I try not to let that get in my way of critiques) The expressions you used to explain life, is very nice. I loved the last line "...To think about flying,//wanting to feel the wind under youre wings...//... Til you figure out youre no bird,//and your life is gone in a blink." Brilliant. Plus, using old styled English ('til) is a plus :) But it shows a LOT of potential. Keep writing, and read others(especially famous poets) and explore new kinds of poetry, 'cause, like I said, you got skill, kid... Great potential. Good read, good write, good job!
    Reply to Comment

    ImStillHere

    11/12/2010

    Alright :) i will... if you send me a few choice poets to read from XD. and thank you. everyone says i have good potential so im trying really hard to get better :) hopefully i will sometime. ~Audrey

    angelchaser commented on Death's best friend, Insanity...

    11-08-2010

    WOW! This is a wonderful piece, fitting since it's your 100th poem (congrats on that) one of my favorites of yours.
    Reply to Comment

    ImStillHere

    11/08/2010

    haha thanks :D it is a pretty good one eh? ;) ~Audrey

    FUBAR93 commented on Death's best friend, Insanity...

    11-07-2010

    pretty much amazing. kinda like you! :D i am usually partial to ryming poems, but this was fantissmal.
    Reply to Comment

    ImStillHere

    11/07/2010

    hahaha thanks Fubear ~Audrey

    Azzrella commented on Death's best friend, Insanity...

    11-07-2010

    There's nothing like a death to make you wonder about life in general. I have a similar one called I wonder. It was read at my friends service, he committed suicide. and havoc was all that was left.
    Reply to Comment

    ImStillHere

    11/07/2010

    ill be glad to read it... thanks for reading My poem tho :) ~Audrey

    Poetry is what is lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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