Drawing Board

Back to the drawing board,
I can only try so hard,
Before you shoot me down again,
I'm trying to be everything I'm not,
To help you get along,
Isn't it enough yet?
Passive, agressive,
It doesn't matter the role I choose,
I'm always apologizing in the end.
I never intended to be everything I hate,
Nor did I anticpate being pried open,
Then told to shut back up.
Open or closed, could you make up my mind?
Should I spill it all out and be myself,
Or lock it up with that old rusty key?
I've run back and forth from hell just to
Find my own piece of Earth,
Of ground to stand on,
I'm getting lost in the undertow,
Yet I'm swimming faster than I know,
There isn't a fall when you're already
Submerged.
I'm trying hard again,
I know that poor key has seen better days,
The chest it keeps under wraps just as tarnished
As the mind and feelings it keeps torn to pieces inside.
Open or closed, either way,
I'll still hate myself.
~Kaitlin Platti~