Falling Flat

3 Comments

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    Poem Commentary

    this poem is kind of random and unfocused, i feel ike it goes in too many directions to be considered very good.

    Falling Flat

    I watch down from above,
    head in hands, on elbows propping up,
    floating on a wispy cloud of 'barely-conscious' 
    and see myself falling for her.
    I stumble, in awe,
    over her stunning kindness,
    trip bluntly over the perfect understanding,
    and fall flat
    into that striking beauty.
    My foot is in my mouth
    when I try,
     in vain,
    to drop a hint that says
    "hey, think again!"
    And I mentally stutter
    over her name when I think it.
    If I look really close,
    does that glint
    taking homage in her eyes,
    mean that she's falling too?

    Poem Comments

    (3)

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    angelchaser commented on Falling Flat

    12-23-2010

    You my dear, are a true poet. I can't think of anyone so young who's poetry I admire as much:). This is just wonderful, so full of feeling.

    brokenhearted11

    12/24/2010

    *blushes* thanks! haha i love getting comments form you, it makes me feel like my poetry is good xD

    papapaczki commented on Falling Flat

    12-23-2010

    I didn't see this going going in too many directions to be good personally. I thin you have a fine base here. I agree with Daniel in the fact that you have less words with good expression and story here.

    brokenhearted11

    12/23/2010

    thanks, i see what you guys mean now. its a story in just a few lines.

    bubba commented on Falling Flat

    12-21-2010

    Wow broken, there is alot of actions going on in such few words the words you chose to use speak highly the command you to keep reading they express so much action and thought process yet you hardly said anything KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS~!

    brokenhearted11

    12/21/2010

    thanks! thats what i was thinking when i read it. like.... it says a lot, yet its short, and it SOUNDS even shorter when i read it.

    Poetry is what is lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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