Challenge: Same poem, new words?

Tripple space one of your shorter poems you have written, and above every word you can, write a Synonym of that word above to replace each word, see if you can write something new or amazing. :P

Here is mine:

New poem
Original

Knight in Shining Armor

I am absent
I am not here,

Misplaced myself in my imagination
Lost in my own mind,

Fingers grasp this soaked, bleeding blade
Daggers dripping in my hands,

Shooting down thoughts of my affliction
Killing painful thoughts,




Mindless
Senseless...

inanimate
Breathless...

Descovering I am inarticulate
Finding no words to speak,

Cannot find the power to conceive
Losing the ability to think,



Thrashing the broken mirror
Self beatings get rougher,

Loathing the beguiler that won
Comparing me to another,

He made me smother my beloved
How can love lose again,

I used to recall the hero was the victor
I thought good always won,



The time of fiction has ended
But the fairytale age is over,

gentleman are not seeked
No one wants the knight in shining armor,

The defilers are secretely wanted,
Only the men who take control,

They are the protaginist now,
They're the ones who win now,



Have fun
By the way this thesaurus was a big help.

Last edited by jpmaster13 05-20-2010 at 12:49:09 PM

RE: Challenge: Same poem, new words?

Fantastic idea for a challenge! I will work on this and see what I can come up with. Thanks for posting this one!

RE: Challenge: Same poem, new words?

Hehe thanks, I dunno if it worked out as intended, maybe someone can be creative, and use different words to write a totally different poem, different theme and such.

RE: Challenge: Same poem, new words?

This is a facsinating idea. And i like the one you did, my only thought is that the past tense of 'seek' is 'sought'.

RE: Challenge: Same poem, new words?

Illusions of Control

There exists a peril in cherishing you
It is so dangerous to love you

Sweet torment thrives in your presence
Exquisite torture to be near you

Deliberate energy is invariably exerted
Conscious effort is constantly made

To prevent contact with your being
To keep from touching you

A single embracing of our lips would alone suffice
One kiss, that's all it would take

For my determination to wither away
For my resolve to crumble into dust

A solitary meeting of passion and the avalanche of emotion would be laid bare
One kiss, and the floodgates would open wide

I long for that unavoidable instant
I ache for that inevitable moment

That my life may be twisted inside-out
When my world will be turned upside

By you for the second time
By you again






This was an especially intriguing challenge, and I think most of it turned out much better than the original. The first one was written many years ago and I was never fully happy with the outcome, so now I think I will definitely be using most of the revised edition in the future! Thanks for the awesome challenge!