Let's Do the Duo..

The Duo-rhyme, a poetic form created by Mary L. Ports, is a 10 or 12-line poem, with the first two
and last two lines having the same rhyme scheme, and the center of the poem (lines #3 through #8 or #10)
having their own separate monorhyme scheme.

Meter: 8 beats per line, written in iambic tetrameter (4 linear feet of iambic)
Rhyme Scheme: 10-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a and 12-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a
Example

Visitation

Oh, midnight wind with whisperings,
come tease sweet fairy s crystal wings.
How gracefully she floats tonight
with purple billows flowing bright.
Dear, wistful spirit in the night,
through starlit mist she casts her light.
For welcomed cheek, a kiss just right
is softly placed so that one might
receive her blessings without fright;
love s beauty sought, a soul s delight.
To realms of wonder in my dreams
I ll float upon the songs she sings.

Copyright 2007 Mary L. Ports

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Meter: 8 beats per line, written in iambic tetrameter
Rhyme Scheme: 10-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a

A Little Night-Song

What was the song you sang that day,
your voice so clear, "Come fly away?"

I hear you whisper in moonlight
when drapes are drawn, with eyes shut tight,
I tell myself that it's alright
to light a candle in the night
and pray for you, to wish you might
be here with me by morning's light.

And I will see and hear you say
that love at last is here, to stay.

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Do, do that duo that you do so well.....

Perfection, Aria. Your meter is exact and flows like butter and the poem is wistful and vivid in it's portrayal of love's dreams and desires.

You made this assignment look extremely easy. I can see I'll have to find something harder for you!

Very nice work and, as always, I appreciate your participation.

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

I always look forward to your assignments, teacher! Thanks for the critique. I love your class!

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Hey Mr. B............I just posted this one. Let me know if this is what
you are asking for.........................................................gogant

When the Birds no Longer Sing

O’ where has all the beauty flown ?
It was here where the sun once shown.

The birds once chirped in harmony,
But now they hide in canopy;
Not one do you see upon a tree.
Nor a bounding hare gleefully
hopping cross the meadow steamy;
All life has left this scenery.

If we had left these things alone,
A much better place we’d have known.

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Welllllll.......almost. Since you are a fellow poet who likes to shoot straight and doesn't get offended, let's talk turkey.

You got the rhyme scheme down. That's a good thing! Unfortunately the flow just doesn't work too well. You lose the iambic in the second line by beginning it with a trochee, instead of an iamb (IT was).

5th line....not ONE do you SEE upON a TREE.. (do you) - two unaccented syllables, caused by using 9 syllables, instead of 8.

6th line..nor a BOUNDing HARE GLEEfulLY....no iambic there.

7th line...HOP-ping....trochee beginning the line

8th line..interesting situation here. I will say you are one syllable short and you may reply that scenery is a three-syllable word. You would not be wrong...BUT!..you are rhyming it with "steamy". Since, when the last syllable is the same in two multi-syllable rhymes, the previous syllables carry the rhyme, such as carry - marry, happily - snappily, altruistic - pessimistic. You are trying to rhyme a two syllable world with a three syllable word, accents in different places, and it just doesn't work..

Last line....a MUCH BETter PLACE WE'd have KNOWN....nothing iambic at all.

That's enough for the mechanics. As far as the poem itself, you can do so much better. I KNOW you can do so much better - I've seen it! The lines are trite and unworthy..

Not one do you see upon a tree.
Nor a bounding hare gleefully
hopping cross the meadow steamy;

Obviously you came up with this to fulfill and assignment, but the poem should still have value and a bit of worthiness. You gotta put some effort into the quality, too!

Hoping you are not offended. God knows I have few enough students, as it is. It's just that we should use these exercises to get more value out of our poetry, both in form and in quality. I want to see things people are proud of, not just something to fill an assignment, yanno?

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Hey Mike, don't feel bad about telling it the way it is. I thank you for
taking the time to show me what needs to be done in writing a poem...
any poem, I guess. I would have to go back to some of your earlier forum
posts and read up on what iambic, and other things are.........one thing
for sure though, I have a hard time grasping this accented stuff.................gogant

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

A lot of people have trouble with it...I'm sure you can get it with a little practice. Good to see you again...

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Thank u Sir,its a great education. ansari

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Thank you, ansari. I appreciate it.

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Well Ballad man I gave this thing a try.


Lost Coat

Here is the wind, with ‘naught’ to boast;
It has no name at that outpost,
for life in birth is death’s new twin —
a bird lies on the ground, a Wren
that’s meant to never fly again;
it lies so still and cold wherein
the winter’s snow drifts out and in.
“No Thing”— Outdid itself herein;
undressed it’s bones, peeled off its skin.
A paragon was found within,
There favor is unclothed as ghost
to show the cloth of ancient host.


© RH Peat 7/23/2010 2:38am
Form: Duo-rhyme: 10 or 12 lines Iambic tetrameter
Rhyme Scheme: 10-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a
Rhyme Scheme: 12-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a
Intent: Loss of the Ego and finding the real self.

Last edited by RHPeat 07-25-2010 at 02:42:44 PM

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Very good, 'Peat! An interesting take on an equally interesting topic...and your meter was exact. You got rhythm in them bones!

Thanks for joining in!

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

The Evolutionary Cave
___________________


The dinosaurs are roaming near
we hide in caves, but it's still clear
the beasts have made the laws for them
repeating rubber, watch it bend
roll over, over, tire friend
they take their pick, it doesn't end
they get to steal, abuse and then
they get rewards in jail, again.
When women dance, sometimes with fear
dear caution says, "men own us here"



8 meter, iambic tetrameter
Rhyme Scheme: 10-line: a,a,b,b,b,b,b,b,a,a

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Very good writing, springsize, with the meter and rhythm!

I confess I read it with about 3 different meanings and I would be interested in hearing your interpretation.

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

Balladeer . . .

You have provided a Very helpful critique comment...

my reference is to the continual tolerance of abuse against women, as if Some males are beastly and UNevolved dinosaurs who have been allowed to graze and FEED upon the females or weak ones of society...

and while there is a justice / prison system in place... the rules are loose and the beasts are able to repeat their crimes, again and again and again... like the tire rolling over and over.

and I can see that I must be even more exacting with future poems, so as to leave no question of intent....

RE: Let's Do the Duo..

No, you don't need to be more exacy, miss. That was the interpretation that came to mind first and it is loud and clear...and very well said.