Mental Manipulations

This is one of my own little mind exercises and I pass it on to you...

Here's an evil little puzzle
Guzzle down a beer or two.
You can do it if you try hard
Bards, I offer this to you.

Make the last word and the first rhyme
Time to get your brains in gear.
Clearly it is time to think some
Dummies will not make it here.

Who will tackle this endeavor?
Never has it been done here.
We're the first so let's get going
Showing that old nasty 'deer!


Simple little poem with a rhyme scheme of a-b-c-b, the only difference being that the last word of each line must rhyme with the first word or syllable of the next line. Trochaic form and the meter must be exact, along with syllable counts. Sounds easy enough..

Try it

RE: Mental Manipulations

Simple little poem with a rhyme scheme of a-b-c-b, the only difference being that the last word of each line must rhyme with the first word or syllable of the next line. Trochaic form and the meter must be exact, along with syllable counts. Sounds easy enough.....???? Not.

This form is enough to drive one to drink! That said, the form is not fun so I tried to make the poem humorous. In other words, this poem is meant for entertainment purposes only.


Southern Charm School

Granny grinned at me and said, “Girl,
Curl your hair and paint those lips.
Hips sway, come on, walk this way now.
How you 'spect to find courtship?

Wink 'n flirt n’ treat him real nice,
Twice’ll use'ly do the trick.
Quick lil kiss but leave him standin’
Pantin’ like he’s all lovesick.

Wait for him to want that sweet-spell,
Tell him NO first time he try.
Why, hon, would he buy the full meal
Deal if' free with extra fries?

Hear? You want him comin’ back for
More, I’m tellin’ you the way.
Say my mama and her mama,
Papa liked what made him stay.”

Last edited by Aria 08-19-2010 at 07:41:13 PM

RE: Mental Manipulations

I like that one Aria. You should post it. I am a little confused at the end though

Last edited by Oblaidon 08-19-2010 at 06:01:05 PM

RE: Mental Manipulations....... Set Free?

Set Free?

Sometimes I will wonder,
under what rock she hid...
Did it make any sense,
hence, a motherless kid.

Awake through the night,
fight the nocturnal fears.
Years of aggression,
suppression of tears.

Is leaving inherent?
Errant thoughts cloud her mind.
Behind is the future...
Sutures slowly unwind.

Progression of life,
wife and mother to be.
She'll make a decision...
Incision... Set Free?


Hope this is what you're looking for. I tried.

RE: Mental Manipulations

Aria, that's a poem straight from a southern gal's pen! Very nice use of dialect. Your syllable counts are exact, as well as the trochaic. Lesson well answered. Oblaidon may have a question about the last line and how it fits. I'd like to know that answer, too

RE: Mental Manipulations

Yes, you did try, King, and I applaud you for it. Actually, the poem is very good in it's meaning and intensity. I applaud you for that.

As far as the lesson goes, and the exercise of structure, it falls short. First, the syllable counts are off just a touch. You have...

6-6-6-6
5-6-5-5
6-6-6-6
5-6-6-5

The other requirement of the lesson was to make it trochaic, accented syllable followed by unaccented one. Lines 1, 5, 8, 9, 11. 13. 15 and 16 all begin iambic and the meter breaks down in several areas.

Be that as it may, I can hear this poem being recited and sounding perfectly fine. Very well done...

RE: Mental Manipulations

This is actually one of the hardest forms I've ever written. Thanks, Teacher, for giving me such a work out! I'm glad you approved. As for an answer for Oblaidon and you about the last line, one of the things we southern girls learned in charm school was to never explain ourselves to a man. Bless y'all sweet darlin's.

RE: Mental Manipulations

hmmm....I must have dated all southern gals then because NONE of them ever explained themselves to me. Go figure!!!

RE: Mental Manipulations

Heaven lives next door to Hell
________________________


Looking for 'the Heaven', I was trying
sighing, maybe I've just dropped to Pit Land
and I'm calculating climbing a wall.
Call me slow, but it's invisible and...
*
I don't know 'bout scaling what I can't see.
Me, I'm just a dreamer, but I did hear
we're all Godlings with big eyes and ears for
mirrors of the Universal odd Sphere.
*
Spatial Beings, feelings touching the hell.
Tell me those aren't babies, who are crying --
dying -- does not Heaven touch their death smell?
Quelling fear --- ice home is melting, frying.....