fumbling, tumbling - falling down

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  • Dark Poetry

    fumbling, tumbling - falling down
    dawn seeps through venetian cracks
    puddles on the floor, unstamped
    like sealing wax
    I contemplate my fate
    caught in the current
    of this Bardo state
    untethered attempts
    to contemplate
    lessons inherent
    in love and hate
    seem I make the same mistake
    every time I incarnate

    subdued attempt to meditate
    miraculous light radiate
    flicker my fragility - I am
    not made to bear such hate
    unwilling to retaliate
    ever does self sacrifice
    heap bad karma on my plate

    desperate seeking truth inside
    try to find a reason why
    astrology birth analyse
    accurate - my depths define
    shreds fear filled faith
    that informed blind eyes
    soul sickness now metastasize

    these things I can't assimilate
    contradicting reason - typify
    logic over-simplifies
    broken heart stays mystified
    soul longing to be dignified
    but nothing ever signifies
    I remain...denied

    vast reservoir of strength
    run dry - no oasis yet in sight
    remnants of courageous pride
    scraped up from somewhere
    deep inside
    in insufficient quantity
    to meet the day with equanimity
    sleep beckons - come and hide

    shaking - undefeated yet
    ignore the craven lure
    the rising sun makes promises
    of tomorrows that are pure
    yesterday can have no hold
    without consent secured
    some scars I maybe have to bear
    but not all, instinct assures

    groping the dark recess of me
    to find the strength to stand
    and be
    not anything particularly
    just me - trying to
    face today - smiling blithely
    for the world to see
    I just can't be
    fractured so badly
    internally
    too much depends on me
    regardless of restless fault lines

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    UnworthyFather commented on fumbling, tumbling - falling down

    03-16-2011

    Very, very powerful, Tender. I seriously doubt, however, that YOUR depths are defined by your astrological birth, Tender. I feel in my bones that you are a very strong woman who has endured a lot of pain, but whose very self identity is borne of that pain. Stanza number six is my favorite. Every word of that stanza is POWERFULL!! Terrific write, Tender. Love it. A well deserved 10 for poem that is the epitome of honest self expression and soul searching... Marcus
    Reply to Comment

    tenderpoison

    03/17/2011

    thank you M - I've been going through a lot of changes lately, this piece reflects some of the harder things I'm struggling with - thank you for such a great comment :)

    HarverTomsson commented on fumbling, tumbling - falling down

    02-08-2011

    In a season of quantum change, one wrestles with long held assumptions. How true it is we find our beacons in the lights within the eyes of those that truly matter. Harv
    Reply to Comment

    tenderpoison

    02/08/2011

    that would be the kids - I'm trying to get my schiz together and resume functional mommyhood :)

    StandingBear commented on fumbling, tumbling - falling down

    02-04-2011

    This excellent write depicts walking through the shadow of death, rising to accept the sun and what the new day brings. We're not created to suffer other's negativity, no matter what other's may think. They're really not thinking at all or they'd realize needed positive energy becomes lost and negative energy moving in is no accident.
    Reply to Comment

    Shrin commented on fumbling, tumbling - falling down

    02-03-2011

    Very well written. All relationships rest on sound foundation of trust, mutual respect and fidelity. You have reposed that trust, faith and respect, so don't blame yourself for doing your part. You are a wonderful person and others are not fortunate to have you in their life. A 10 from me.
    Reply to Comment

    Rhymer commented on fumbling, tumbling - falling down

    02-03-2011

    This poem seems to me, to be about making the wrong choices in relationships. This line "lessons inherent in love and hate seem I make the same mistake every time I incarnate" tells me you have loved, given birth and the realtionship dissolves. It is not in you to bear the hate, to much now depends on you to be fractured internally tells me you have no time for self pity or deciding who was at fault now you have the child or children who you love to take care of. Excellent piece, of self examination and realization. 10 from me and into my favs.
    Reply to Comment

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

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