I Remain

7 Comments

Tags:
  • Angst
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  • Passion
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  • Thoughts
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  • Realization

    Poem Commentary

    where is happiness and serenity? is it in the arms of a lover? is it found looking into the ocean for eternity?

    I Remain
     

    I remain

    ready to behold you

    between the shadows

    questing your glorious light

    beneath the darkling

    searching out in soundless screams

    amidst the silence

    thirsting after pristine pleasures

    beyond measurable dimensions

    falling through emptiness

    along solitary passages

    needing just a glimmer

    above the fray

    sustaining eternity

    around an endless dilemma

    designing matchless moments

    throughout all space and time

    possessing the pin to drop

    under the rainbow in my mind

     

    -M.Jacobs

     

     

    Poem Comments

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    aw3haiku commented on I Remain

    02-23-2011

    an immeasurable surreal dream state you put me in here... suggestion: maybe try unpacking some phrases to drop us even deeper still into your world " ie.; "pristine pleasures" what do they taste fell smell inspire?; "measurable dimensions" "endless dilemna" "matchless moments" all too loaded for me. How can you bring us closer to what these feel like? What images can you paint/share *from* those above phrases thru your mind's eye? This I believe may move it from the "visual" (descriptive) to the visceral- a swift punch in the gut taking your breath away into the moment.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    02/26/2011

    Thanks for your kind words and suggestions for "I Remain", I appreciate it very much. Glad you liked the "dream state". I will work on it, as you suggested. ;-)

    Marsink commented on I Remain

    01-15-2011

    Constancy is not always our strong suit, but there is one who is faithful, who sticks closer than a brother, at all times. Your writing is surreal and ethereal, complex and paradoxical. An excellent formation of thought that bridges concrete reasoning and the dream state, in search of stability that is not found in humankind, alone. Applause Crescendo!!!
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    01/17/2011

    Thanks for that lovely compliment to my writing. Especially, because it comes from a wonderful poet that I admire so much.

    kdarcy commented on I Remain

    01-15-2011

    Images, one after another, and silence shouting. Love the two closing lines, well done k
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    01/17/2011

    K, many thanks for the response to "I Remain". It's funny because this poem came from a feeling that started out as something else and weaved it's own story somehow, separate from the origin.

    Mayuna commented on I Remain

    01-15-2011

    All I could picture was looking out across a vast nothingness all alone. I love how your words flow. Very nice work.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    01/15/2011

    Mayuna, Thanks so much for your kind words about"I Remain". I will be sure to look at your page and I hope we will stay in touch on OP.

    kmooney commented on I Remain

    01-15-2011

    There's is something tranquil about this poem that I like. It's soothing, in a spiritual way. Nice job. I always like reading your works. Thanks for sharing...Kevin.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    01/15/2011

    Kevin, I appreciate your kindness- I was reading some of your recent ones and you haven't lost your creative touch. Smiles!

    Poetry is what is lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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