Illumination II (a rewrite)


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    Illumination II (a rewrite)


    the sun came out
    from behind dark clouds
    just for a minute or two
    unveiling things that were always there
    things that I never knew.

    now in the dark
    of glowering skies
    the light once again grown dim
    unfortunate glimpse of clarity
    your pretty lies un-spin

    day after day
    of unending rain
    I've spent hiding in my bed
    trying to block the memory of
    the light-show in my head

    sooner or late
    the kind sun will out
    truth in a dancing reveal
    the clouding of myself undone
    and sight begun to heal

    so when the sun
    shows his face again
    I'll run to the glow of day
    knowing I've finally been set free
    from men with feet of clay

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    cutbanksam commented on Illumination II (a rewrite)


    You must live in Seattle. Great writing. Methinks it be a 10 and also a favorite. You be a good writer.

    SweetSatin commented on Illumination II (a rewrite)


    I never edit a poem but this rewrite is very inspiring! Both pieces are great!

    DerekH commented on Illumination II (a rewrite)


    very powerful. I am sorry you have been lied to. some men will never grow up

    Jay690P commented on Illumination II (a rewrite)


    This is definitely a case of second thoughts being better than first--though I'm still slightly put off by the "feet of clay" cliche; overall, a beautifully structured, effective poem, I thought.

    WinterFrost commented on Illumination II (a rewrite)


    You don't seem very cowardly. So I like this version better. rather than hiding under your blanket. just tring to block the light show. I think is a stronger line.

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

    tenderpoison’s Poems (116)

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