• Other

    Poem Commentary

    commentary is not optional because everytime i choose to not comment i end up having to comment


    i have always meant to be
    more than closed eyes can see
    i surf through daylight
    the morning caffeinated
    subjective theory of life
    my tears never felt wet
    as if pushing regret
    can make me feel something felt
    and forgot
    in the time i took to hate
    the stranger that negates
    my goodwill and morality
    my wishful fealty
    to abusive illusions of my own destiny
    days in mirrors of my own mistakes
    wishing for release and the magic
    of elusive smoke
    the gentle first toke...
    drugs to enhance and distance
    the pain in my past
    i refuse to grasp it
    holding something unreal
    a danger to me and you
    my acceptance mistaken for
    youthful zeal
    i get the appeal
    the natural residual
    individual devil
    operate beneath the fake smiling
    robotic intake of societys
    disassembling bullshit machine
    chuckling as moments turn
    to memories and burn
    and swill and swelter
    from shop to shelter
    and we dismember our paths
    to how we got here
    to how we pass unscathed
    through minefields of flesh
    and armorless love
    and the push of others
    who only know how to shove
    walking in old pastures
    knee high in shit
    smelling committment and fear
    aging as wine sits in cellars
    sixty years to swallow
    to pretend to hear
    suck at nipples and whiskey and beer
    never thought i might be here...
    a forgotten soldier 
    a man of tomorrow
    schooled and discarded and loved
    by ghosts and angels and reverends
    catholic cold steel rails
    my soul travels to hell
    speed of a snail
    lost in the breeze of another day
    a better way to express
    my life in a cage
    free and  unfettered yet
    full of fucking rage and the shortness
    of my breath and my age
    and the quickness i travel to each new theater
    and the angst of every moment
    when i meet her
    and meet her
    and get hit by this fucking meteor
    passing into gaseous passion
    hooking thumbs for some decadent star
    my last bastion
    before i get to where you are

    Poem Comments


    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    Cathryn1983 commented on Insider


    I read this poem and in doing so find myself in this franticness like I cannot read it fast enough. Then finally I am through and its like I have just been in a whirlwind and it has left me out of breath. Reading it a second time...this time much more slow with the intent on understanding...I come to find it is amazing. YOU are amazing. Its just mind boggling. Not just this poem but all of them.

    scrye commented on Insider


    Art !! pure and simple it is art and crafted by a very talented artist, this is one for my favs. You weave quite a masterful tale here amad always a pleasure to read for you. I always know there will be depth and raw emotion. Loved it well done. and of course a ten for this one.

    Stardrift commented on Insider


    Well, for one thing, I think that you're portraying al beit pessimistically, that life's journey could be defined as going from one mess to another. Jeeze, lot of stuff in this poem, lol! You seem to diametrically compare the haven of another female's love to no true haven ultimately. By that I mean, if she's not a soulmate, and life's circumstances still further intrude. I say this because I think I catch your meteor meaning - love is traditionally said to feel like fireworks in the heavens, but, with this physical metaphor of that, even a true love can become a freak natural disaster. And all this can then generally relate to the emptiness felt upon losing a love, sometimes due to elements out of our control. Quite a love-vs-isolation-vs-vulnerability storm you constructed here! By 'insider', you might mean a soul that's trapped because it can only feel the wrong things in the wrong ways. Your last line might be similar to a race to nowhere, grass isn't greener - a lesson learned, although to the point of taking no more risks, and choosing reclusiveness. Whew, well, how did I do? You write like a seasoned and confident veteran who's at ease with connecting and coherently relaying multiple secondary theme ideas, and all as pertaining to an intentionally not readily apparent main theme - no simple task. I do this same thing, just in my own style. Honestly brother, I could be way off the mark here, but it's what I got out of it, my first impressions. Let me know, peace outers!! (those funny commentaries are fast becoming your signature!) Pretty much a 10 from my modern electronic keyboard! Intricate write. 8o ]



    i feel like you described a painting to the blind man who painted it...when i wrote this, it wasnt a fully-fleshed theme or idea, i was in a mood that i needed to create on a space so that i could sort through all of the colliding feelings and visions...honestly, poetry and i have always had a natural affinity towards each other but rarely have i critiqued my own words as in depth as you seem to so do easily...and given my own past mistakes with the fairer sex, you nailed the meaning of this poem and actually helped me look at it in a new the way, when you pointed out my apparent ease at "relaying multiple secondary theme ideas" i said hallelujah, nobody has ever said that to me in such a coherent way, but that is exactly what i strive to do with each of my poems, though i will admit, it comes easily when lubricated with alcohol, the grease on the wheels of inspiration;) Its a breath of fresh air reading your commentaries. By the way, youre no slouch yourself at humorous musings, or in the words of Ty Webb from Caddyshack "Judge, don't underestimate yourself, youre an incredible slouch" haha...anyways, keep the poems coming brother, thanks for all the great crits.

    photochick commented on Insider


    Amad your poems always seem to blow me away such talent just scream out of all your poems your way with words and your ability to have the readers hooked with what ever your subject may be is amazing you write with such an ease your flow is perfect here and each line flow to the next in a perfect match great poem and I think this may be my fav of your keep on writing for you are a true poet of many talents thanks for sharing your poem with me

    latinangel commented on Insider


    To say that you are a very talented writer is just not good enough. I love the way you string your words together like wonderful pearls of wisdom. The flow of your poems are so much like music. They make me feel like singing along. I feel the angst of your words. I love to read your work.



    By the way Happy Birthday my wolfie! Lots of hugs and kisses I am sending your way

    Poetry is what is lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    AmadeusEx’s Poems (89)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Icebreakers 0
    I can't believe this is FANTASY 1
    Minstrel 7
    Lust 15
    Wanderlust 6
    Carving Pumpkins 4
    Brothers 3
    Second Chances 8
    The Infinite Appeal 4
    A Song for the Departed 3
    I Die the Next Day 4
    There Are No Bubbles 3
    Ephemeral Dream Girl 2
    Idle While.... 6
    crossing bridges 8
    King Forever 2
    To Deceitful Eyes 1
    Star Burning Bright 5
    Swirling in the Tidewater 4
    An Inch Away from Daylight 3
    Shovelful of Earth 6
    American Highway 1
    Bitches Be Loco 4
    Eddies of Fate 3
    Magnified 5
    Legacy Part One 4
    Moving Inexorably Further Behind 12
    Salvation of the Roses 39
    The Emptiness of Breathing 11
    Fall Into the Stream and Hold Your Breath 6
    The Bloom Of Death 18
    Slancha Ireland... 3
    My Death Inside Me 0
    Dark Passenger 4
    No Salvation for the Saved 0
    In the End we Pray... 1
    I Walk With You 3
    Regret of the Rarely Seen 9
    This Daughter of Ours 4
    This Day is Gone 8
    Ladykiller 14
    Insider 5
    Bone 3
    Ode to Holy Mountain 6
    A Rembrandt in my Pocket 7
    Tree 8
    My Demented Decline 7
    The Never Said 16
    23 Seconds 14
    The Blood of Ours 10
    My Death Will Rise 7
    Immortality of Youth 2
    Shelter Seeker 12
    I Took Her 9
    The Bones of the Clown 8
    Nothing But our Nights 27
    Atlas and Pandora (the Strength and the Plague) 16
    Sign 4
    Rainbow Warrior 7
    Grandma' 1
    Faith of An Unbeliever 12
    Dual We You or Me... 1
    As A Child 8
    Heroes and Cowards 5
    Shaitan 2
    A Legacy 0
    Beauty Awaits 2
    Only So Far 4
    A Composition of Sin 5
    Bitter Salt in a Laboring Heart 0
    Unmeant 3
    Death of Promise 5
    I'll Never Wake Up Free 2
    Bleak 1
    Paper Walls 4
    At The Edge of Ruin 4
    Kingdom in our Hearts 2
    Air And Smoke 4
    Eyes Struck Blind 3
    You and I 3
    Miz Understood Dream 2
    One Escape 0
    Heaven 3
    Halo 3
    Glass in Hand 2
    Digital Legs 4
    Immolated 4