Keep Your Chains (Terza Rima Sonnet)

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  • Love

    Poem Commentary

    poem 11 b. The metaphor.. chains are representation of everyone sleeping with everyone, in so doing they form a chain.

    Keep Your Chains (Terza Rima Sonnet)



    Just like Facebook, cheap chains are the days trend
    They’re swung like pendulums in the ghetto;
    And rich Wall-Street has them, but they pretend

    They don't-- They wear their Prada and stiletto
    High heels, with chains hung down between their breasts:
    In place like old tobacco in perfecto

    Cigars, which soon leave stains upon the chest;
    And one weak link can cause a chain to rust:
    It takes but only one to spoil the rest.

    Most certainly they'll fade like scraps of lust,
    That’s why instead of chains I wear a ring:
    Another’s weakness shall not bring me thrust

    Or sickness -death: betrayal oft does bring.
    So stick to chains, but to my band I’ll cling.


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    Springsize commented on Keep Your Chains (Terza Rima Sonnet)

    06-01-2010

    Hi leslieAlexis... I understand the message of this poem, as fidelity is the key to Not being hoie in hoLand... but that one is as old as the Bible, and I was hoping for a newer edge than just the use of facebook (which is a New Insert).... but it seems there is more of the online than actual... as the new hoies don't actually meet and most of the new age thrust is via pictures and typing.... . Now... as to the mechanics ... which are needing correction. Lines 4, 6 and 9 have 1 (one) too many syllables (line 9 - spoil is two syllables). You have mastered the Form of this poem, and used a complete open, turn and closing, full circle, so good work there. Your syllable counts do need work to make your poem flow easier.... as well as the first words in each line should read with the STRESS on the 2nd syllable, not the first....

    WordSlinger commented on Keep Your Chains (Terza Rima Sonnet)

    05-29-2010

    What a great way to express the word, you live by in love, great poem, ty WS

    leslieAlexis

    05/29/2010

    Thank you. This poem was written on my way home from school. It was started then, In the mind... well poetry is finished in the mind before paper see it.. Thank you.

    RHPeat commented on Keep Your Chains (Terza Rima Sonnet)

    05-26-2010

    The first line is forced but it isn't too strong because it is the first line and very little meter to allow it to fall into the forced accent. It looks more like two unaccented syllable. In L2 spell out the word and the forced like will become 5 iambs. It is only 4 right now with a feminine ending. The accent falls on 'ghet/to. Maybe in L4 (not good, not bad, not right) it would make a stronger iamb. The line has another feminine ending. But you made it the right count here. In L13 look up "be'trayal." An interesting subject matter for a sonnet Les. A poet friend//RH Peat

    leslieAlexis

    05/27/2010

    with the exception of the first line the poem is fixed. Thank you professor.

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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