I am filled with a fear and uncertainty that is tearing me apart.

In the deepest parts of my soul, in my heart,

down where few have ever been there is pain and fear.

And yet, in those same places lives a radiance of love and joy.

When I look at you a see a beauty unlike any I have seen before,

and yet as I stare deeper into your eyes I see a pain that runs deep.

And I know that I am the source of that pain.

That pain that is within you begins to fill me

and I grow ashamed of myself.

I have failed you and betrayed myself.

I told you once that I would love with all that I am, and I have.

My heart is yours and yours alone, but I have failed in other things.

I have failed you as a friend and partner.

I have been trying to complete my hopes, and have neglected yours. 

For that I am truly sorry.

At this moment I feel like a ship lost at sea.

I have no compass to give me directions and the sky is clouded,

so I have no stars to steer by.

I am cold, hungry and tiered.  I am scared.

I do not know how to fix the compass; I do not know when the sky will clear.

I am lost at sea and am afraid that it is here I will die.

Alone, with no one to hold me, to comfort me to love me.

With no one to share my last minutes with.

No one to look at and say I love you to.