• Philosophy

    Poem Commentary

    just enjoying the process of writing..hope you like it


    SEE ME...

    i lay naked upon a flow of volcanic lava, my bones revealed
    flesh peeled away, turkey leg drummette
    bloody as christmas day, wreathed in the white
    innocence particular to the blindly devout

    (she stirs next to me)

    i awake, skin flushed feverish and frozen
    egyptian cotton lathers and lotions,
    ravenous against my temple, she hovers above
    my unconscious desire to disappear

    (there is no love between us)

    I grind my heart against my teeth, suffer hopeless,
    beg the release of her proximity,
    her devotion sours absolution, electric shock
    shudders through the noose about my neck

    (do you see...SEE HER...)

    i lay naked, serpentine, think strangled flowers
    besieged by doubting faces, histrionic weeping woman,
    statue takes the place of fear, all the groceries
    remain uncooked but waiting in the refridgerator

    (he pretends to sleep)

    i awake, lusciously over-used endowed forgotten,
    distance yawns from tired orifice,
    relegate desire to back yard waiting, the dog we share
    barking at the paper boy

    (something is destroying us)

    i watch him grind his teeth at night, for the hard-on
    easily won blow-job or possible cheap fling,
    either way running low on pretend, waiting everyday
    for my low-stock of patience to end

    (we look at each other...SEE US...)

    coffee stained nightshirt, threadbare game jersey,
    unwinding bedworn muscles and thirsting,
    swallowed private angst, mouth corners upturning
    shuffling through miserable morning upchurning

    (ascending opposite bedsides)

    corporate castles ache, morning ribs exhaust,
    shallow kisses peck on cheeks barely blossomed,
    the rank and file, jockey for position
    before the mirror of the Nile

    (they lie to each other...they pretend to care...)

    they meet for midday, order different entrees,
    clad in roman tokens, bathed by ancient historians,
    destined to commit to failure, blithely unaware
    citizens trading copper for bailing wire

    (the end of the day)

    heavy mattress descends, upon cheating spouses,
    wash away the distance, of orifice clouds,
    sacrifice tomorrow's equality, hope is salvaged
    as regretful actions transubstantiate knowledge

    (the real deal...)

    roses fade, hispanic tits displayed,
    hateful wife desires latin girls demise,
    angry husband chooses gun over angry ex tirade,
    suicide explosion, child born today...

    (the cycle continues)

    in dreams of ordinary...
    people like us cannot discuss...
    our true path shatters....
    and sears flesh like glass

    (unfortunate liars)

    two alone become one to the high
    fall away beneath the beam of the light
    inhalate, conspire to deceit,
    the injust descend, and expire in defeat...


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    stellar commented on Magnified


    I am just overwhelmed by its power and the varied imageries which freed my mind from the confinement of my usual thought...great write...^_^ v

    ginga commented on Magnified


    Amadeus, A tremendous poem of life, lust. deceit, revenge. I thoroughly enjoyed how you formatted the speakers and showed varying points of view. Impressive. ginga

    redbloodink commented on Magnified


    I saw a lot here in this poem.... Some desperation, some love, some desire....... The greatest thing about life is the journey and the uncertenty of it...... I look at it like this now myself tho..... If I see it if I live it... then I know it..... People can't fool me with dead feelings anymore tho........ I believe this write has a lot of secound guessing of yourself and some one that means much to you...... I just hope you don't become consumed by there dead feelings if they don't feel the same as you do....., aswell we have to realize no-one will always see or think the same way.... but if God is in the middel of it He can and will hold it together...... Red

    Rygar commented on Magnified


    a departure from your norm, but well written piece. you rock amad... you did it again... i may start to hate you... :)

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

    AmadeusEx’s Poems (89)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Icebreakers 0
    I can't believe this is FANTASY 1
    Minstrel 7
    Lust 15
    Wanderlust 6
    Carving Pumpkins 4
    Brothers 3
    Second Chances 8
    The Infinite Appeal 4
    A Song for the Departed 3
    I Die the Next Day 4
    There Are No Bubbles 3
    Ephemeral Dream Girl 2
    Idle While.... 6
    crossing bridges 8
    King Forever 2
    To Deceitful Eyes 1
    Star Burning Bright 5
    Swirling in the Tidewater 4
    An Inch Away from Daylight 3
    Shovelful of Earth 6
    American Highway 1
    Bitches Be Loco 4
    Eddies of Fate 3
    Magnified 5
    Legacy Part One 4
    Moving Inexorably Further Behind 12
    Salvation of the Roses 39
    The Emptiness of Breathing 11
    Fall Into the Stream and Hold Your Breath 6
    The Bloom Of Death 18
    Slancha Ireland... 3
    My Death Inside Me 0
    Dark Passenger 4
    No Salvation for the Saved 0
    In the End we Pray... 1
    I Walk With You 3
    Regret of the Rarely Seen 9
    This Daughter of Ours 4
    This Day is Gone 8
    Ladykiller 14
    Insider 5
    Bone 3
    Ode to Holy Mountain 6
    A Rembrandt in my Pocket 7
    Tree 8
    My Demented Decline 7
    The Never Said 16
    23 Seconds 14
    The Blood of Ours 10
    My Death Will Rise 7
    Immortality of Youth 2
    Shelter Seeker 12
    I Took Her 9
    The Bones of the Clown 8
    Nothing But our Nights 27
    Atlas and Pandora (the Strength and the Plague) 16
    Sign 4
    Rainbow Warrior 7
    Grandma' 1
    Faith of An Unbeliever 12
    Dual We You or Me... 1
    As A Child 8
    Heroes and Cowards 5
    Shaitan 2
    A Legacy 0
    Beauty Awaits 2
    Only So Far 4
    A Composition of Sin 5
    Bitter Salt in a Laboring Heart 0
    Unmeant 3
    Death of Promise 5
    I'll Never Wake Up Free 2
    Bleak 1
    Paper Walls 4
    At The Edge of Ruin 4
    Kingdom in our Hearts 2
    Air And Smoke 4
    Eyes Struck Blind 3
    You and I 3
    Miz Understood Dream 2
    One Escape 0
    Heaven 3
    Halo 3
    Glass in Hand 2
    Digital Legs 4
    Immolated 4