Mathilda The Hun


  • Humor

    Mathilda The Hun

    How do you have an orgasm every time?

    Drink Corona then swallow the lime

    But offer your lover more than a dime

    Or you’ll never get any sexual satisfaction;

    In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost,

    Have you ever tried strawberry jelly on buttered toast?

    They’re teaching me how to dig a hole for a fence post

    So I can afford my moms operation and take her out of traction;


    I’m looking for an answer but the wisemen are all gone,

    I know what’s right but I could be wrong,

    If I knew how to inhale I would smoke a bong

    And share it with a woman who’s a lover, a mother and a fighter;

    I grow older and start to lose my health,

    The air outside makes me want to hold my breath,

    A woman once said that life isn’t any better than death

    As she handed me a cigarette so she could smoke her lighter;


    Body odor is the essence of man

    Who forgot how to bring home the bacon and the pan,

    I’m speaking a foreign language in my homeland

    While hoping to start another grunge rock band;


    How should we control human overpopulation?

    Neuter human beings with a spoon across every nation

    Because the other animals need emancipation

    From human stupidity that is killing us all;

    Every other person I see is shaving off their hair,

    Jekyll and Hyde are sitting naked playing truth or dare,

    I use cheap suntan lotion under the suns glare

    And cover all of my body except for my balls;


    The world of cartoons is being threatened with genocide,

    The world of humans are tanning their own hides,

    Cain and Abel smoked pot and got very pie eyed

    Under the direction of both Adam and Eve;

    A stick figure drawing depicts the glory and agony of Christ,

    A true murder victim is one that’s sliced and diced,

    College education is too condescending and high priced

    And the “real world” offers no proof to make me believe;


    My conscience confuses me on what I need to do,

    I see an aging lady who was once beautiful but now has hair of blue,

    You can tell me how to change but I know it wouldn’t be true,

    Everyday I learn something but I know it’s not new;


    I desire riches but wonder what’s lurking in the lap of luxury,

    I guess if I think of myself I should expect to be lonely,

    I see a great black cloud coming but don’t turn to flee,

    I wonder if I should be the next antichrist out of turn;

    Mary the whore looks over at the great Buffalo Bill

    And says, “Give me some money and I’ll give you a thrill

    But we need to do it on the other side of the hill

    Or they’ll put us on a fiery stake to burn.”


    I wish I could write my muse a poem of true love

    And send her thoughts sailing in the clouds above

    But all I have left is a smelly, grease-stained glove

    That’s only good for working on the engine of a car;

    Casanova wants a woman to love him like a hurricane

    But all he can find are women that cause him pain,

    Bonnie and Clyde are now making love in the rain

    And an honest lawyer says the moon is only a retired shooting star;


    My brother is under the surveillance of the IRS,

    I have a sister in jail who won’t confess,

    We keep inventing more and thinking less

    But that’s the price we pay in the name of progress.

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    dancinghawk commented on Mathilda The Hun


    LOVE this, dylandean ... like your style, again, absurdity and truth and raking through the primordial ooze of life to find what's real ... nice post ...

    Poetry is not a turning loose of emotion, but an escape from emotion.

    T. S. Eliot (1888-1965) American-English poet and playwright.

    dylandean’s Poems (32)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    Frustrations 7
    I Hate Everybody 5
    Hibernation Blues 3
    Voodoo Blues 4
    For the Love of a Woman 3
    A Study of Faith 1
    Love Bloody Love 2
    Mathilda The Hun 2
    No Mercy 1
    The Sick and the Dead 1
    Picture Me Naked 0
    Muse of the World 0
    Lights From Space 0
    Afterbirth 1
    Forgive Me Not 4
    Five Card Wink 1
    The Outlaw Trail 2
    Mystery of a Woman 8
    Endless 2
    Flower Bed 1
    Oceans of Time 1
    Reflection 0
    A Taste of Blood 2
    The Earthling 3
    Winter Rain 4
    Death Therapy 2
    She Used To Be Mine 1
    Whispering Sky 0
    Comforter 2
    Mustang 2
    Whispers of a Dream 2
    A Taste of Death 6