my own hell

I have somthing,
its growing inside of me,
as it has,
for so long now,
i dont know where it came from,
and i dont know how,
all i know,
is it is here now.

He was created so very long ago,
of the darkness that had dwelled within my heart,
as my anger and hate grew,
he did too,
as he started to take controll,
of my every action and will,
my whole world,
turned upside down.

I had became a man,
who i thought was so great,
but these were simply planted in my head,
and every night,
as i layed in bed,
darkness grew an ever stronger grip on my mind.

But eventully the light,
i did find,
and through my dreams,
it slowly seeped in,
allowing the cloud of darkness,
to slowly dissapear,
and as the darkness faded away,
and the fog began to clear,
i built a wall to block it off,
forcing the darkness into the very shadows of my mind it created.

Saldy it has created a whole new me,
someone i have grown to respect,
but hate,
he is a dick,
ruthless and mean,
but he has no fear,
and is always calm,
i alwyas resort to him,
when scared,
or angry,
i created a door,
and THAT was my first mistake....

This door doesnt have,
a lock,
nor a key,
only a knob,
and it opens both ways,
he dosent have to be invited,
to re-enter my mind,
he only has to catch me,
when i am most blind,
he comes up,
sneaks in from behind,
and trys to take over again.

I have a "security system"
that is made of the sheer will of my mind,
i hold the door closed,
untill i want it open,
saldy i am at,
a stand still with him,
we both fight for controll,
of a single mind,
i know i sound crazy,
and that is just fine,
but this is a true story,
of somthing for me,
i fight a battle,
where neither can win,
but both sides seem to fight,
to re-gain controll,
as long as i have reaosns,
to stay as i am,
i wont resort,
to that man.

this fight takes a lot,
of energy from me...
this is my own,
never ending hell,
a non-stop battle,
between dark and light,
right in my own mind....
it is high time,
that i found my way out.