pressure

9 Comments

Tags:
  • Dark Poetry
    • jenifer
    • alert but not enough sleep . hope my poems please thee.

    pressure

     pain ,pressure it knows no ends no bounds it just begins. it slithers up into your end and creates a dome where once there was none , sithes into your pit into your soul and takes a hold almost like a choke hold. never letting go it winds itself upside down and slithers out without a sound. a wall it touches with no end and ryme and rythme with no beginning and no end.  manuascript crinkles with blood and creeps into its pages and writes again a story with no end.

       one with pain and no let up and with abuse and setting up for failure and for pain ,with this she knows no gain.

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    photochick commented on pressure

    08-20-2009

    wonderful imagery love the pic as well watch your spelling though but i do enjoy it and look forward to reading more
    Reply to Comment

    Milkman commented on pressure

    08-15-2009

    very nice piece with lots of great images.......you need to use the spellcheck.... it detracts from your work when I have to try and figure out what word you are trying to say...
    Reply to Comment

    Phoenix9 commented on pressure

    08-15-2009

    you do have a lot of talent, you express yourself well, my only real critique, one i use alot (lol) the spell check just because sometimes the words don't look right, keep on writing whats inside,the feelings are truely there
    Reply to Comment

    teasasue commented on pressure

    08-15-2009

    ok I liked how you wrote this and the word chooices you have used here. I can feel your pain in this, Please dont listen to this guy, because 1 if he went o school the way he is trying to tell you you did not. He would know that you are not supposed to start a sentence with and. Good job on this poem
    Reply to Comment

    Troubador commented on pressure

    08-15-2009

    Jenifer are you some one that has never been to school obviously not. Therefore I will give you some constructive criticism. Poetry is a language art so there are some rules first off Capitalize your sentences. Also word choice is paramount to good poetry, no-one likes redundancy so for the second no in the first line might I suggest the word nor. And as far as word choice goes what's sithes I think you meant seethes. Always check your spelling. A nd as redundancy is concerned," Into your pit into your soul" does not make a lick of sense. Your spelling is atrocious, I mean rhythm is rhythm rhyme is rhyme manuscript is spelled manuscript. And where are your stanza breaks I only see one this poem if you dare to call it poetry is going to receive my lowest rating ever. So that you do not consider me an ogre I will give you some redemptionyour imagery is quite powerful.
    Reply to Comment

    countryboy1988

    08/15/2009

    who cares how shit is spelt hell i cant spell either o well i liked it yep thats it

    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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