"THE JOURNAL"

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  • Alone

    "THE JOURNAL"

    I SIT ALONE IN THESE FOUR WALLS,
    NO ONE COMES BY,,,,,,NO BODY CALLS.             
    THERE'S NO ONE TO BLAME,,,,THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE.
    I DON'T DESERVE SOMEONE,,,,,,CAN'T EVEN STAND ME!
    I'VE NO ONE TO TALK TO,,,,,JUST SIT HERE IN THOUGHT,
    FOR THE DAMAGE I'VE DONE,,IT'S A LESSON WELL TAUGHT.

    WHEN "DARKNESS" FALLS, I'LL SNEAK OUT IN THE HEAT,
    THE "DUMPSTER'S" CLOSE BY,,IF I'M LUCKY I'LL EAT!
    TO YOU, THAT'S DISCUSTING,,,,,,,,TO ME, IT'S A MEAL,
    WHEN YOU'RE "HOMELESS" AND COLD, IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

    I WRITE IN MY "JOURNAL", EACH DAY OF MY "DOOM",
    DID I MENTION MY FOUR WALLS, IS A "BOX CAR",,,,,,,"MY ROOM"!

    YEAH, "THE LIFE OF A BUM", SHOELESS AND FREED,
    BUT YOU KNOW WE HAVE "HEARTS?"
    AND WHEN "CUT",,,WE TOO "BLEED",
    I WILL TELL YOU THIS,,,,,,I'M NOT TELLING 'NO LIE'
    WHEN "SICK", YOU GET "HELP",,,,,,,,"WE'RE" ROLLED OUT TO "DIE"!

    I HOPE WHEN THAT HAPPENS,,,"SOMEONE" WILL FIND THIS "BOOK"
    "TELLING HOW "SHAMEFUL" I WAS,
    BUT, I WAS NEVER A "CROOK"!
    HAD "FEELINGS"LIKE OTHERS,,AND I "PRAYED" EVERYNIGHT!
    BUT I HAD TO STAY "HIDDEN", AND "NOWHERE", IN SIGHT.

    I WATCH WHILE SMALL "CHILDREN", WOULD PLAY IN THE PARK,
    "I" HAVE NO SUCH "MEMORIES",,,,,,EXCEPT "BEATEN" BY "BARK"!
    YOU "CHILDREN" OUT THERE! HAVE "CHILDHOODS" OF GOLD,,
    YOU REALLY WON'T KNOW IT,,,,,,,,UNLESS "MY STORY" IS "TOLD".


    "MY PARENTS" HAD "DUMPED" ME, WHEN THE TIME I WAS "BORN"
    "PASSED"FROM ONE "HOME" TO "ANOTHER",
    I WAS "BEATEN" AND "TORN".

    I'D NOT  GO TO SCHOOL, HAD "NOTHING" TO WEAR!
    JUST "RAGS" ON MY BODY,,AND MY FEET, ALWAYS "BARE".

    MY "BRUISES" WERE SEEN, FROM MY "FACE" TO MY "FEET",
    I WAS "LOCKED" IN MY ROOM,,,,,,,"BREAD AND WATER", I'D EAT.

    I'D SIT THERE AND CRY,,TIL TOLD,"GO TO BED"!
    I'D CLOSE MY EYES TIGHTLY, AND "WISHED" I WAS "DEAD"!


    I FINALLY FOUND CHANCES TO "RUN" FROM THIS HOME!
    NO "IDEA" WHERE I'M GOING,,,,,JUST "FREEDOM" TO "ROAM"!

    I COME ACROSS "RED CROSS"THEY GAVE ME SOME "CLOTHES"!
    CUP OF SOUP, AND SOME CRACKERS,,AND A "BED", IF I CHOSE,
    I TOOK MY FIRST "SHOWER"! AND LAID ON MY "BED",
    WHEN I HEARD SOMEONE ASKING,"WHICH ROOM? JUST AHEAD?"


    I JUMPED FROM MY WINDOW! AND "RUNNING" AGAIN,
    THROUGH THE WOODS AND SOME DITCHES,AND THEN A "COLD RAIN".

    I FOUND A "CLEARED SPOT", HOW "BEAUTIFUL" IT WAS,
    SOME SAND, LIKE THE "BEACH", WATER "FLOWED"LIKE "THE SPAS"!
    I FELT SO AT "PEACE", "NO REASON" TO "FEAR",
    "NO ONE" COMING TO "BEAT" ME,OR "CUSS" ME OR "SWEAR"!

    I STAYED FOR AWHILE,BUT THEN"HUNGER" SET IN,
    I WALKED TIL THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOES HAD WORN THIN!


    I COME ACROSS "PEOPLE",,,,,LAYING ALL ON THE GROUND,
    SOME HAD MADE "FIRES",THEY STOOD ALL AROUND.
    THEIR "CLOTHES" WERE ALL DIRTY, AND WORN FOR AWHILE,
    "THEY" TREATED ME LIKE "FAMILY"!
    AND ALL HAD A "SMILE".
    "WE" ALL SHARED OUR "STORIES", OF "HARDSHIP" WE'VE BEEN,
    "BUT" WHEN I TOLD "MINE",,,,,,"HELD BACK TEARS", WERE STILL SEEN.

    AS "HARD" AS IT SEEMED,,,,I HAD TO MOVE ON...........

    "THEY" TAUGHT ME "SURVIVOL", AND "HOW" TO GET BY,
    FOR "THE FIRST TIME", FELT "CARED FOR", AND STARTED TO CRY.
    THEN ONE SHOUTED OUT,"HEY KID!" "YOU'LL BE FINE"!
    "YOU'RE A CHILD OF GOD!"
    "HE'LL" KEEP YOU IN LINE"!

    "YOU" THAT HAS FOUND "THIS", PLEASE TAKE TIME TO "READ""I'M NOT JUST A "DEAD HOBO"I HAD "NO CHANCE" TO "SUCCEED".!

    "PLEASE TAKE CARE OF MY JOURNAL", IT'S ALL THAT I HAD,
     TO PROVE "I EXSISTED"! EVEN "THOSE " WHO ARE "GLAD".
    "CAN'T BLAME THEM ,NOT CARING"
    AND TO "CLAIM" ME, THEY'LL NOT!
    "MY SUFFERING'S NOW OVER,JUST LAY ME TO "REST"!
    "MY BODY'S" SO TIRED, IT IS ALL FOR "THE BEST".
     
    "FROM "BOX CAR TO COFFIN", NOW THAT'S A STEP UP!
    NAH,,,,"THE STATE" WILL JUST "BURN" ME,
    THROW MY ASH IN A "PAPER CUP!

    "THANK YOU" FOR SAVING THIS "JOURNAL" I WROTE,
    IT'LL MEAN "NOTHING" TO MOST, MAYBE "SOME" WILL TAKE "NOTE"!


                                                                               CAROLYN LOVE

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    tierra7 commented on "THE JOURNAL"

    04-11-2010

    OMY Carol, this tore my heart out...and i mean tore from its chambers....real life ......a sadness of real life written so beautifully and with passion...you my dear are answered prayer to those that have no voice....blessings forever follow you in this journey....Tierra @}-'-,-

    carol1952

    04/12/2010

    HI TIERRA, HOPE YOUR DAY IS A BLESSED ONE, JUST THOUGHT I'D LET YOU KNOW I SUBMITTED THREE MORE POEMS TODAY, YOU AND MARY ARE WELCOME TO READ THEM, GOD BLESS, CAROL

    laydbak1 commented on "THE JOURNAL"

    07-10-2009

    This is a great little story in verse... brings the reader into the mind of a person who's destitute but, fights to survive through it all... I have a piece on the homeless titled, cardboard city... give it a read sometime if you have time... you have a good write here...

    carol1952

    07/10/2009

    thx man, i'll do that!, carol

    Tempestlady commented on "THE JOURNAL"

    07-09-2009

    Been homeless, been hungry, been alone. I have always been lucky and have come accross generous strangers, or acool dry spoto rest. I love your work. I relate to you words it seems like every time. My journal is large now, and now I have a home. No longer beaten, no longer roam. I hope you do too. Kindred spirit are you. Great write.......

    carol1952

    07/09/2009

    bless yur heart my friend,praise the lord for yur good fortune! i love yur comments, they come to me in a poetic form, yur such a good friend, i feel i've been blessed too!,carol

    A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. It finds the thought and the thought finds the words.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

    carol1952’s Poems (56)

    Title Comments
    Title Comments
    "MY VISIT TO HEAVEN" 1
    "havent a clue" 0
    THIS BROKEN DOWN ANGEL 1
    "TO BE OR NOT TO BE" 2
    "COMPANION" 2
    "MY LIFE IN A "NUT" CELL" 2
    "FARM LIFE" 2
    "COMPUTERS" 3
    "WALLS" 2
    "RAINBOWS" 3
    "CHANGES" 2
    "WILL YOU BE READY?" 1
    "THE CONNECTION" 2
    "THE INTRODUCTION" 1
    "THE BASICS OF LIFE" 1
    "JUST A LITTLE TALK WITH JESUS" 1
    "MISSING YOU" 1
    "CINNAMON" 2
    "JUST A MATTER OF TIME" 5
    "A GIFT FROM GOD" 8
    "I BELIEVE"!!! 6
    "CAN'T MISS A FRIEND, YOU NEVER HAD!" 5
    "USA" 3
    "BELIEVE IT OR NOT" 4
    "AS THE WORLD TURNS" 4
    "FANTASY FROM THE "PASSED" 1
    "QUIET PLACE" 2
    "SOMETHING FISHY" 4
    "LESSONS LEARNED, TABLES TURNED!" 6
    "THE JOURNAL" 4
    "BORROWED TIME" 5
    "YOUR'RE NOT ALONE" 4
    "JUST IN TIME" 1
    "LIFE" 1
    "TIM" 4
    "INSANE?" 4
    "A WORKING SOUL'S BOOST" 4
    "A TRUE BLESSING" 1
    "WITHDRAWN, WITH NO HOPE" 1
    "GOING HOME" 0
    "GONNA PLAY,,,,GOTTA PAY!" 3
    "THE TREE" 4
    "WEATHER OR NOT"! 1
    "MY JOURNEY WITH GOD" 1
    "MARRIAGE GONE WILD!" 2
    "CHRONIC PLEA" 0
    "NOT ALWAYS A "BOX OF "CHOCOLATES!" 1
    "THE POWER OF PRAYER" 4
    "ADDICTION" 2
    "CONFUSED, AND DOWNHEARTED" 2
    "ACCEPTANCE" 4
    "TWO DOGS DISCUSSING POLITICS" 4
    "DOG NAMED BLUE" 1
    "POET AND DIDN'T KNOW IT" 2
    "9-11-01" 3
    "A CRY FOR HELP" 3