still birth 1-25-1999

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  • Loss

    still birth 1-25-1999

    time on this earth is all but a dream
    more time then not we are forced to get away and scream
    the joys of our livng are more often then not
    a ninth month wait for a baby thats exciting and hot

    the pressure of living and waiting for her to arrive
    makes me feel so impatient but im forced to survive
    i feel her inside like the beating of my heart
    and when she is born i will love her right from the start

    i dont know how but my feelings have changed
    those are te memories for this is what happened
    and from it my entire life was rearanged
    topsy tervey and inside out

    the life i once lived so rich and full
    was now so empty yet enraged without a doubt
    my love for you shelby will always be true
    although you could not be born on this earth

    i will love no one else more then you
    my life now meant nothing and i wanted to die
    i could not stop crying and every one knew why
    yet no one could support me nor would i let them try

    i felt so alone so isolated and left out that i had to shout
    my heart had been ripped away and i wanted to die without a doubt
    in the heat of the night i saw my babies face
    the horror that i saw no one could erase

    she lay so still so calm and asleep
    when i held her against me and asked, she made no peep
    my life was now shattered and confused
    i felt as if i had been battered and abused

    after those years of torment had tried to fade away
    i remember about shelby just like it was today
    from that day forth my life had to stop
    a slit of my wrist and a battle of pills

    into my mouth i did pop
    that did not work and life continued on
    even after all those years i still feel she is not gone
    she is still inside waiting to be born

    i can still feel her kick when i eat spicy food or corn
    the truth is not yet what im ready to see
    because my baby girl is still inside me
    my friends try to tell me life's not the same

    shelby is gone so crying is no shame
    i dont care what they think i know its not true
    no one else knows the pain ive gone through

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    WordSlinger commented on still birth 1-25-1999

    02-28-2010

    this was hard to comment on, but it sure did touch my soul, ty WS

    tierra7 commented on still birth 1-25-1999

    08-03-2009

    Kittman, this is a very sad ... but great write.. .(made me cry) no one knows the true pain another goes thru,in a loss of their child... if at all, one can only feel half of that pain, in the hospital we had our share of deaths on the oncology unit, when a patient died a part of me always died w/them...because i have experienced death,,,yet...when we had a demise baby at the hospital on the maternity ward and a mother would ask to hold them for just one time, that first touch was their last..i knew not of that pain because i lost 5 sons a few months before before they were due...the torment was heard in the mothers and fathers cry...i can only say i empathize with the feelings you shared...if i was to have held my sons ..only then i may have shared that same pain...God Will make you Strong...God Bless!!! .Tierra7

    am2anangel commented on still birth 1-25-1999

    08-03-2009

    This piece is very sad and heart wrenching. You pull out the true feelings of one who has lost an infant. Since were friends I feel its ok to point out 2 typo's lol in stanza 3 the is missing the h in stanza 8 bottle not battle. Sorry, other than that it was really good. Well done.

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

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