Swim Team

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  • Swimming

    Poem Commentary

    I wrote this the other day while watching my son swim at the local high school.

    Swim Team

     Swim Team

    Furrows of muscle appear along their graceful backs.

    Hamstrings bulge as they take their mark, waiting for the blow of the whistle. 

    Moist bodies sparkle.

    A watery cacophony ensues on swift legs and feet submerged,

    as coaches voices rant and clatter urging their protégés onward.

     Gliding as they pass, like seals, their lithe bodies swirl and reflect against the flow. 

    Approaching the turn-around, swish, a quiet shimmer, becomes a humming reverberation. 

    Young, energetic arms flash forth in robust semi-circles through the surface.

    Heads bobbing, feet popping, performing a musical chorus.

    A brawny beautiful business. 

    Shining, bursting splatter dash, kicking echos, thrashing crash. 

    It’s just the swim team whipping past.

      

    -M. Jacobs

     

     

     

     

     

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    Rhymer commented on Swim Team

    12-02-2009

    Enjoyed the read and the very descriptive write. Multi talented artist I believe.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/21/2009

    Thanks for the compliment and glad you enjoyed Swim Team. It was one of those that had to be recorded immediately, as I was watching the Swim Team practice. ty

    Poetster commented on Swim Team

    10-15-2009

    enjoyed your imagery. I noticed also, no rhyme like the other poems you have posted. Free verse can let your creativity shine. This is very good.
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/02/2009

    thanks for your comments and your appreciation of my offerings.

    stellar commented on Swim Team

    10-07-2009

    excellent details of imagery...love this poem so much..it's quite similar to my "Apollo" but my style is a bit archetypal..wish u read and comment in it...thank you
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/02/2009

    thanks Stellar, I will check out that one and write you back

    ginga commented on Swim Team

    09-27-2009

    jake, What anexciting flair for a swim poem. Your words made me feel vibrant and active, and wet? LOL! Very interesting piece. giinga
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    12/02/2009

    thanks Ginga, I am glad to have that affect on you.

    kmooney commented on Swim Team

    09-16-2009

    Very interesting observations. I love the imagery and word choice here. My only experience with watching swim meets is with the olympics or competetive trials on weekend TV (ABS Sports, etc.). I know this is your son's swim team but the poem sounds a little provocative? Was it meant to be? "Graceful backs, bulging hamstrings, moist, sparkling bodies, robust, brawney...". Sorry if I'm off base. It's probably just me. I like the poem though. Very well written and entertaining. I like your style of writing. Very concise as well. I have problems keeping mine short and concise. Great write. Thanks so much for sharing... Kevin
    Reply to Comment

    danmartyjake1

    09/16/2009

    It was completely innocent, at least I wasn't thinking of it in an adult provocative way, until you mentioned it. Interesting how words can have double meanings.

    Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

    Unknown Source

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