Words...

I have all these words scrambled in my brain,
Everyday they drive me completly insane,
As if they scatter about from train to train,
But then suddenly we go off a bridge and crash,
Now all the words are mixed and mashed,
I try to put the peices back together,
But they run from me Like the wind catches a feather,
Its drainin and im tired of constantly complaining,
Its just me against the world and its raining,
It thunders and poors down on me violently,
The ice freezes The blood inside my veins,
It leaves me cold like a stone but i still feel all the pain, 
I run and try to hide but there is no escaping,
Sometimes the sweet words scramble near me,
I try to peice them together as they temporarily comfort me,
But I need more then just words,
I need to feel the meanings behind them Dear Lord,
I need To stop being beaten on this old warped cutting board,
Do you have plans for me to marry and have a family??
Or am i doomed in this hell with satan & his demons for eternity? 
I need your help Lord to solve this puzzle,
I am angry and i think i need a muzzle,
My heart and soul slowly crumble,
Why did you give me the feeling of Love if i cant use it?
Its so strong and pure and i feel im slowly losing it,
I need to share it and give it as freely as you gave it to me,
Do you have a man for me to love who can love me back too consistently?
Will you please show your face to me Lord & help me out of this hole?
I am broken and crippled & life is stealing my pure soul, 
I have no one Lord and I need money topay everyone i Owe,
I hate being homeless and angry and broke,
I shoulda just let myself die when i was bein raped & choked,
Why did i fight to survive when i live a life full of lies,
Theres no justice and no one to dry my tears if i ever did break down & cry,
Lord Can you please tell me what my purpose here on earth is? 
Am i destined forever  to be broke and completly worthless??? 
Will you please help me put these words in sentences?
Help me to find hope in this mess and meaning to this situation,
Have i intruded a forbidden connection with my first real kiss??
Is this your plan of pure beavenly bliss? 
What will happen when he hears my story??? 
Will he except me or use me & beat me like the othersor will he love me??
Did you send me to him or him to me or us to each other?? 
Did you have help from his father and our Mothers??  
I feel this is a blessing from you Lord and i think he does too,
But could it be satan torturing me more to get me to abandon you??
Lord will you show your face in this situation??
Cuz i feel we are truly connected & i cant take no more devestation,
Lord I am strong and you know i am but I pray this is your plan,
Not satans cuz im weak, fragile & fed up with his plans,
You gave me ability to go forward even when im broken and bruised,
Im willing to keep climbing this mountain with no shoes,
But I am tired & i need a break cuz my feet &  hands are blistered & bloodied,
I dont need a cover up or a temporary bandage, im begging you for mercy,
I need to feel your touch Lord for the rest of my days,
I wanna be free from all this anger and rage & released from this cage....
Words are all i have left & i know they mean nothing to no one else,
But they Speak only of truth deep in my horrors of hell....