Writers last stand???

Okay y'all so this may be my last poem i write. I know im not very good at writing poetry and im doing this because Well i want us to look good to be quite honest. But anyway, here is what may be my last poem i write in my life. How will it end? Still yet to be determined as is if it will end sooner rather than later. Anyway, here we go with Writers Last stand
As i sit here in a dark room on a warm September night
I begin to have images that melt into my head no matter how hard i fight
Every time i write i feel i open up
I believe its time for this writer to finally have one last crack at this pup
It has nothing against anyone that is even here
To die young and unloved in life i guess you can say is my biggest fear
Tragety has struck our lives in very many ways
Our lives are mostly sad as i recall on most days
We are a poetry family and this i totally understand
I just feel this place would be happier without me the one poet noone can really tolarate nor stand
I want you all to know that i love you and i mean it from the bottom of my hearrt
Part of me wishes there were better ways for us to never split apart
So goodbye goes the go cart races around the crowded room
Gooodbye goes the hugs that had come to me so soon
Goodbye goes the smiles that you all have brought to me
Wishing you all the best of luck as you can clearly see
Why do i even write why do i even make?
Ive been here for almost a month and still no poems have won to help me celebrate
You have all been so kind and so dearly nice to me
Everyone here has allowed my heart to be just set free
Is this a suicide note? If you can call it that
I just hope that when it is time for me to go Heaven lets out the welcome mat
Ive struggled with my emotions Ive struggled with how i feel
Ive even began to wonder if the love i feel for some in my life is real
I struggle with my words and if i will ever get them right
I even struggle with my self esteem which is why i am here tonight
Somebody save me from myself and help me to understand
If somebody cares enough please dont let my life be taken by my own hand.
You have all watched me blossum into who i am today
Each of you have an opinion of me and something to say
The past few months emotionally have been hard on me
They have challenged my trust and have allowed reality to sink in and not be free
I long to feel the love the compaionship of another
I long to wake up to a beautiful face as we are embracing each other
Now is not the time to hear that i need to love myself
Yes i know its all my fault that things fail and this is why im putting my book of life on the back shelf
Please nobody hate me for what i am about to do
Because i know for a fact that i would try frantically to help if the person who was writing this was you