My Dearest Jonathan,

Please forgive me when I saw you for the first time and said “So you’re the one that caused me all this pain”. 
I was so young, both of us had almost died, I didn’t mean it, I felt like I was going insane.

I’ve loved you from the moment you were born until the day you died. 
I loved you so much that at times I enabled you to do things that weren’t always right. 
I need to say to you Jonathan that it’s ok that you’re with God, happy, whole and no more fears.
I’ve hung on to your memory for almost 5 years and have shed a million tears. 

I want to say that I will see you when the Lord brings me home, not good-bye. 
I’ve needed to do this for a long time but I just didn’t have the nerve and that’s no lie.
I haven’t smiled and have felt such a loss,
We were so close, buying worms to fish, me calling you, “hey, Jon, fix my line, you claimed to be an expert, on hooks, etc..your the boss”.

 
I’ll tell you what I miss, your voice calling me, the hugs and kisses,
Asking me to make you homemade gravy and biscuits.
So I sat down one day and decided to write you this letter,
I spoke with a few friends, therapist and they said it would make me feel better.

Also, your wife Kim died a year ago and if I keep grieving for both of you on a daily basis I can’t go forward in my recovery.
Both you children knew God before you died, your eyes were open so I know, God made  it easy because He needed you both to help Him with His plans to set this world free.

 
I’m going to try to remember the good memories and not the bad ones where I think I failed you in your life, guilt is a huge stumbling block for me,
But with God’s help I will overcome it and remember what I taught you, forgiveness is the key.

We are all human and God knows this to be true,
So my dear son, enjoy the Lord’s presence, tell all my loved ones I miss them, and I’ll see them when I have finished the Lord’s work on earth that’s left for me to do.

I love you Jon.
Love, Mama