Defining Me

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    • MayaReid
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    Defining Me

    You’ve suddenly become such a huge part of my life
    One day I looked up and you were by my side
    And I realized then and there
    That I don’t ever wanna let you go
    You’ve changed my life so much
    That I’m scared to ever try to live without you
    I don’t know how I ever lived without you
    You’ve said the same words
    And as much as I hate to say this
    There’s something wrong with that

    We have so much in common
    I’ve finally found someone who understands
    My words, my pain, my weakness
    But still
    I need to stop searching for myself in you
    Stop hanging on every word you say about me
    As if it is the string that saves me
    I need to stop searching for myself in you
    You are a part of me
    A part that I always want to have
    But you can’t define me
    You can’t tell me who I am

    And I’m not saying that you’re trying to
    I’m the problem
    I always am
    I can’t be so dependent on you
    I can’t always need you to be there
    To pull my sun up and find the rainbow

    And it’s not that I’m scared that you’ll hurt me
    I know that, if given the choice,
    You’d rather hurt yourself
    But right now, you see, I’m hurting us
    I need to figure out who I am
    Cuz I can’t love you until I love me
    And you love me more than I’ve ever loved myself
    I love you so much that sometimes
    The happiness you bring me tears me apart inside
    I love you so much it hurts
    And brings tears to my eyes
    But I can’t stand to be alone with myself

    I’m not always the person they all see
    You know that just as well as I do
    Maybe even better
    You know the many people living inside
    And still don’t think I’m crazy
    You love each and every one

    But I am only one person
    I need to combine those masks into one
    And then destroy it
    I need to stop searching for myself
    How does one find oneself?
    I simply know that I am missing
    No, that’s not it
    I’m not missing...I simply don’t exist
    Life is about creating oneself
    And I haven’t molded my own sculpture yet

    But back to you,
    Add some clay to the mix
    Smooth me in a few places
    With your soothing fingers
    But only I can be my sculptor
    Stay with me
    Watch
    And guide
    Hold on...
    It’s gonna be a bumpy ride
    On the way
    To help me to become my own savior
    And then you can just stand by my side
    Rather than supporting me as I try to stand.

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    PoeticLiqueur commented on Defining Me

    07-30-2009

    You have created one of the most powerful poems I've seen or heard recently, may God continue to bless your ability to write. I really love this piece.

    In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

    Franz Kafka (1883-1924) Czech writer.

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