Here again with conflicting feelings

Death welcomed with open arms

But also rejected with passion

Wanting out of this life

But knowing I have responsibilities

Feeling like I'm nothing special

But knowing I'm also important

Hello darkness my old friend

Hello light you're back again

Not really black and white

Just differing shades of gray

The absence of bright color

Well maybe some red too

Red like my eye's edges

Red like the luscious roses

Ones with the most thorns

Red liquid in my veins

That comes out when pricked

Gray skin marred by blood

The welcome sting of pain

The guilt for wanting it

The self-hate for it

The day long empty feeling

The wish for true change

The longing for lasting happiness

The thought of being saved

From my own depraved thoughts