this is 2 of the 6 parts of this original poem.. the last of this series will tie the other 5 all together... but arent finished yet... it shouls unfold like a book at the end if i execute it right... we'll see... thanks for taking a glance at this btw... cheers



i've been on this bed, close to dead, with cancer eating my flesh on my face and inside of my head...
sitting with tubes in my skin, reminiscing on past sins, life's path and bends, reflecting eternaly until my end...
was diagnosed in 99, on came the chemo and i began to feel fine, but life isnt sublime and even closer came my time...
been in and out of the infermary, this disease has been hurting me, wishing it would murder me, but time just inched by...
with every day that passed by, my reflection disgusted my eye, see i lost one in my 3rd tour in nam, and its last vision was the sky...
came back from there with the publics distaste, for this war that was waged, but i didnt have a choice, uncle sam had taken my voice...
i wasn't allowed to use the constitution just defend it, when i came home the public had me feeling like a defendant, like i was in charge of this war and chose not to end it....
it lead me towards a general mistrust, i felt ashamed and filled with disgust, how come my own people acted like they never missed us???
i've slayed hundereds of men, soldiers, and villages, i wasnt one that raped and pilaged in, the jungle i had a job and just did it then...
a drifter, most of my life spent in bars and fishing, sleeping beneath the stars, trying to wrap my mind around these mental scars...
but the war waged on within my skull, but i always had character outgoing never dull, just me and my dog and living life was a rule...
moved around for years until recently, found a woman that was worth sticking around for and started living decently...
she's a grandmother so i play grandpa, take them out to the park and toss around a ball, but im no spring chicken this is my fall...
im a proud man, once the melanoma started eating at my lip, i slowly started losing my grip, and i could no longer sip...
i just hope that her children and grandbabies find their way in this world and find zen, i guess my life would be worth it then...
i dont know if i have made a impact or not, but this letter my grandson sent i just got, made me smile and my lip i forgot...
just for a moment though, didnt feel so old, so cold, so obsolete, actually made me weep, i actually touched his heart and my memory he will keep...
but with each pump of the respirator, is an indicator, that i am closer to death and my time is a game and i am just a spectator...
life's degenerative no matter how healthy u live, so im glad i did things on my own terms, and i want to be creamated not living with worms...
the end is near, who's in charge of this car i cant steer, but its not death that i fear, its what will happen to the rest of the nest...
that damn beep is getting on my nerves, im so drugged up i cant hurt, just sit and think in my cancer infested mind...
waiting on that respirator to slow to a grind---or a hault, for my pulse to slow until it finally just stop, so many machines i feel like a robot...
at least my family is here though right by my side, i wish i could move enough to speak but im too weak...
i cant even write so i try to speak through teleconesis, try to speak my peace's, before im burned in peices...
oh shit, my body's starting to convulse...there's less oxygen my hearts slowing i can feel it in my pulse...
and as i lay here shedding a single tear after breathing for 71 years with my one eye i look and i peer....im looking through this squint and with my last vision of my last breath i see my grandson saying he loves me with his body bent...



life has been fun, kind of glum for a stretch or 2, but i finally found my match in this dude...
been married for 5 days, honey moon in miami, life has foul ways, looking forward to being a mommy...
but reality's sloppy, wish i could have told u how much i loved u papi, u made me happy...
even if it wasnt as long as once forseen, u made my eyes gleam, life was easy it seamed...
thanks to you, i felt like a queen, ooh the way u moved so smooth and brightened my moods...
u were like a dream that came true, but im still upset that im travelling with our baby in my womb...
remembering ur face as it lit up when i gave u the news, ground left ur shoes, we could never lose...
it seemed that way in the moment, endorphines were potent, spine tingling and without torment...
our wedding day i must have been ignorant to feel so blissfull, face red bashfull, found the one out of the assholes...
roped u in with seduction like a lasso, u left enough roses in my car for a dash full, fast go from angry to excitement...
excitement came with the best gift, this dress gets, tossed and squashed as u help me to forget that...
strain of the day, ecstacy u took me away, to be in a happier place and time...
this is just a moment how is this all even crossing my mind, in such a short time, maybe cuz it was a short time but it was truely divine...
our fifth day of our marriage, real cinderella feeling, horse and carriage, no pumpkins though in the forseen future...
but i seem to have been taken, by an aneurism, so much for our happy endin', as i fell in the kitchen...
limp to the floor, i can see in ur eyes, time u wanted more, as did i, it hurts to see the tears in ur eyes..
still looking down as paramedics arrived, they tried to revive, as did u, but god layed this challenge ahead for u...
maybe he knew u could take it, my soul feels naked i hate it, and i see ur thoughts as ur life is debated...
right inside ur mind but there's more left than death, more for u to get, dont mourn forever just dont forget!!!
u gave me true love before my demise, a purpose to life while alive, a reason to strive, u made me the happiest bride!!!
even though im only 25, and im taking this dive, i still feel fullfilled, ur touch ur lust my luck it made it real but still...
like u i wish we had more time, but we'll be reunited in the hereafter, ur pulse is present but i'll see u right after...
i cherish all of our laughter, the "i do's" with the pastor, we lasted till the rapture, unfortunate but there may be a blessing in this disaster...
the silver lining in the cloud, the quiet before the loud, the let downs that made me proud, the pain led to smiles...
but wait i must go now, they're calling me away with our child, i'll watch over u and try to guide u through the wild...
as i look and see the trash can turned over, i can barely peer over my shoulder, its over i have to leave u to be with the mourners, with my last vision of my last breath i see u crying alone in the corner......