You could not have known what would happen to you.
I will never be able to shake the last words I would speak to you.
I pray to God every night that ,wherever you are
in this world or the next,
your soul is free.

No matter how hard we tried,
we could not be good to each other.
We hurt each other so much in that struggle to be true.
How could I give you the love you cried out for,
when my own soul was empty?
The little girl inside was never given a chance to heal
from the hands that treated her so cruelly.
I acted out the rage I felt inside,
with every man who ever truly cared for me,
never believing that I was good enough to be loved,
truly loved.

I treated your love so carelessly.
And now I live every day not knowing if those words I said to you in a moments' carelessness contributed to your horrible action.

I am truly sorry.
I did not know how to love someone who was so much like me
in so many ways.
Your pain became my pain,
until I became so lost inside that I did not see a way out.

I wish that I could have been a better partner.
I wish that I hadn't caused you so much pain.
I wish that I could go back in time and erase all the hurtful things we said to each other.
Most of all, I wish that I didn't have to read this sitting on the grass by your grave.