The Play:The New Me

Hovering by the stage
Dressing others for th part
Sending them out to shine
Cheering them on
Laughing with them--or crying
Attempting to make them stars
Giving to others gladdened me
Sharing and supporting sall the way
 I didn't deserve the happiness they had--Vicariuously, it was mine.

I became a martyr for my kids, my lovers,
My mother, the world was my burden
So be it, my cross to bear.
Arms flung wide I welcomed the pain.
Saw it as cleansing for my sins and the sins of others.
I gave until i thurt and kept my feelings inside
Buried underneath a persona of selfless existence
And never let the seething rage come to a boiul
I had no right after all
To resent what He gave me to do.
Then I began to wonder why the joy
Just didn't seem to come.
Why did the people I cared for so much
And gave my all, always let me down?
WQhy didnt they give to me?
AND...why didnt they respect me?
I helped them have their needs and wants, their dreams,
Why didn't they care about mine?

I put myself upon the stage
Dressed in the rags of self worth
And begged for the happiness
I knew I must surely have earned
Not as a atar, simply as Me
The Me I eluded for so long.
IU want the girl who could have been
Not perfect, just able to BE who she can.
The one without the insatiable need to control, to fix, to cure
I think I finally found her.