i never remembered a true father
instead a curse on my mother
and so much pain filling within me
as a child i could remember wondering why daddy came home
and beat on his wife
the one he vowed to love until the end of his life
i somehow dreamt of better days
especially on that cold winter day
daddy came home stumbbling as usual
cracked open a beer
shouted to my mother , " you dirty whore"
mother just looked , never swore
hoping that an end would soon be near
daddy grabbed mommy and took a knife to her throat
he missed and mommy choked
she tried to remember what it was she first saw in him
then i came running in
her eyes filled with tears as she remembered well
us girls is what she stayed to defend
but only to realize she contracted HIV in the end
she gave up that day
and i asked why did daddy do this
and i could only think he is insane
to end my mommies life from deciding to shoot up
and telling his mother "she'll soon find out"
i ask why did daddy do this gave my mom a virus that has no cure
to say that he loved her and beat her until his fists were sore
bleeding out from below not knowing then she was pregnant with me
i ask why did daddy do this
he took away my mothers health
and everyday as a little girl i would pray
hopping that i'd wake up and mother would be there to stay
the only thing i ever wanted was for him to say
"i am sorry and i loved your mommy, i was just young"
never did I hear those words
he was just cold hearted
and was that way til he parted from this life