I am disgusted with myself
ashamed to admit that selfish thoughts of selfless faults
and convoluted extremes of “freedom rings” can be
as point driven and justifiable as which they seem
Death is so confusing
on one hand you respect the liberty of the thought
while on the other hand the unknowing is often times torturous
I myself have lived a life filled with offers of assistance
and heart felt persistence that has gotten me nothing
but mediocre credit and stresses that match with second guesses
And yes it’s those patterns that arouse thinking
that rivals my beliefs, straddling my parental peaks
wanting to wipe cluttered slates clean of luggage capacity reached
But I love my parents…..
The problem is that my parents never learned how “not” to be kids
so we live an act of faith sharing the same space yet
reversing roles so I parent the two people who conceived this mistake
My soul has been besieged below leagues of salted waters
raising my blood pressure with each mouthful. burning opened eyes
as I plan to navigate but refrain from the course I maintain
knowing my attention they helplessly seek
They are supposed to raise me, why not just walk away
because after all I have three kids of my own
I guess because I champion this ego of a throne
or perhaps without them I would be alone
even though they do not own a thing
wherever we spend time feels like home
That is why I cry when I wish them death
but I know that anything LESS will result in me doing more
and them doing LESS to be the BEST
Why am I crying, this is what I want right?
I want them out of my hair so I cut off my braids in hopes
of limiting lengthy follicles for them attach to when I run
away from the notion of exhausting aid for decisions they made
This is wrong but I cannot continue on with Herculean efforts
carrying dead weight all because of a lack of depth perception
when judging the ledge of risks that we take versus owning up
to responsibilities that one must embrace when life beckons
and you come face to face with fate
This is just a thought so no worries about me harming a hair on their heads
but let’s see what happens when I push them in front of the proverbial bus
hoping they dodge life lessons and in turn save me instead

©Freddie Scott