My lonely heart beats faintly

drifting in and out of love 

pumping emptily

The hope of finding a familiar love

is nonexistent

and new love seems far too complicated

I have accepted my loneliness 

the terms and conditions are simple -

“keep everyone at a safe distance

and under no circumstance develop feelings”

The ironic part is I am emotional

I care and it is apparent

and being a parent has exposed my person

I wonder if anyone out there can relate

to being blankly satisfied

I lust for the closeness

yet what I get is women in the form of a mirage

I can remember love like it were yesterday

that look, that feel, that scent is indescribable

Love is an addiction of sorts

and I am still chasing my first high

My lonely heart beats faintly

drifting in and out of love

pumping emptily

Familiar love is comforting

yet oddly enough the thing needed

to right my wrongs had me writing

my wrongs all along

I live afraid

afraid to bath in the spoils

from a path mysterious laid

I want to love but I have lost my way

so instead of planning for future love

I waste my mind on former times 

allowing my future to melt away

My lonely heart beats faintly

drifting in and out of love 

On the road of recovery

searching for purpose

trying to hold on to what is

while forgetting what was

©Freddie Scott