Ancient Future

3 Comments

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  • Religion

    Ancient Future
    Primordial Breath evokes a dream,
    Wooing my spirit from deepest sleep-
    By the Word of Ages the shroud of darkness
    Slips from my eyes, life’s chains unbound,
    I dance upon the pureness of truth-
    Climb the highest summit of the Sacred Mountain.
    On the crystal sea below Watchers wait to guide me
    Towards the crimson sphere, lightning’s steps
    With brilliance arc, thunder’s roars I hear declare,
    No finer travels will I find than to reach the starry tops.
    Within mist-clouded veils I wind
    Through sweet, translucent drops,
    Where the Hand of Wisdom sails me
    On the waves of violet cosmic dust.
    While settled comfortably in His peace
    I ponder the shadows passing back and forth
    Upon the terrestrial globe below.
    The heartbeat of Ancient Future courses through
    The veins of that mortal place and I weep,
    For His hand has passed over my eyes
    Returning me to my trials, and tribulations.
    With longing I wish to return, to embrace the
    Finest of Heaven’s treasures- Immortality.


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    RHPeat commented on Ancient Future

    07-08-2009

    Sometimes when we try to make something bigger than life, something better than life, something shinier and uplifted from life: we loose life itself. We can distance reality so much that it becomes difficult to connect to what is on the page. And I'm as guilty of doing this as anyone else. But this is what I get from this poem that has a lot of good intentions but is difficult for me to read because I can't find any grounding for myself. Maybe I'm too much of a realist. I'd say start by cutting a few adjectives and try to eliminate some of the redundancies as well. This would slim down the poem some. Also if you could group the concepts into stanzas so the reader would get a break from some of the heavy imagery before moving on would help as well. It would slow the pace of the poem a bit. Things like: (terrestrial globe) look very redundant to me. There are many of these type images in the poem. Be very sparing with adjectives and when you do use them make sure they connect to both sides of the metaphorical positioning within the overall poem. Try to make your contextual flow more concise, Let's talk about this: (Finest of Heaven’s treasures- Immortality.) If we have a fine treasure that is immortality, why do we need to say the word (heaven)? It is obvious you are speaking of spirit if an identity has immortality. Then there are the abstracts that are never explained, like: (my trials, and tribulations.) What are your trials and tribulations? How about offering those to a reader, and not telling the reader that you have them. Those real things have real feelings connected to them. Offer them instead of saying this. Give the reader the concrete reality of trials and tribulations. Shows us so we can feel it too. Well I don't know if I helped you or not. But it is my feelings about your poem. I found it extremely hard to stay connected and I've tried to offer you the reason why. A poet friend//RH Peat
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    Hanna commented on Ancient Future

    07-03-2009

    Ancient Future- good oxymoron. An excellent humanistic way to pinpoint a God who is infinite using our finite words. I envisioin this is teh meeting of God during death or rebirth into his Kingdom
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    voleenian1

    07/07/2009

    It's more a place spirtiually that you reach when you truely no God, and not from impatience to be with Him, but the longing...thanks for seeing Hanna.

    sk8ergirl commented on Ancient Future

    07-02-2009

    great poem i like some of the ways you said things. it would have been nice to dee you have your own melody to it but overall great poem for real
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    Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

    Robert Frost (1875-1963) American Poet.

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