Contemplation of My Escape

Beginning to contemplate the road we've travelled together, immediately, i feel the coarse and jagged rocks stabbing my soles.  There is razor sharp thorned thistle wound tightly upon my ankles.  Its binding me, unmercilessly. Digging deep into my body and severing any support left with its cruelly unending capture of my body.  My knees so strained and weak finally collapse under the excruciating pain. 
I vainly have struggled for simple normalcy.  Daily I prayed for my Sanity.
I yearned endlessly for the love of my most trusted, my supposed best friend.
Your daunting darts of disloyalty, doubt, and distrust always aimed at me...such deviant and detrimental qualities, they are not me! Their pangs sicken me. 
The blade, sharply shining, enters into the cloud that so quickly became the tornado known as my life. And It Soothes Me.
The flashes of light reflected upon my vision, oddly, gives me a thought of silk. Soft and Smooth. Pleasurably Uplifting.
It could be done so easily, and quick.  All my nightmares i've had to endure, my misery, and countless failures....would flow finally unhindered...being cleansed and set free to flow as mothers own river. 
A Coward to the End, A Bumbling Fool....fearing the unknown pain, doubting my knowledge and skill to finish this mission.
Vertical, Aross, Press Hard, Deep, Slow, Tear, Slash!
Do it in Violence, venting all my pent up anger, hatred, sorrows, and pain.
Release the frustration in a single striking swipe. Or, slowly to suffer for my sins in a smooth and slow slice into me, my world, my mind.
The Lord, my God, would never forgive my murder of this life he bestowed upon me, to live and endure.  My children would be separated from me for...all eternity.  My punishment, forever to be doomed to this hell we call Earth.  Never escaping it.  Walking past the end of all time.  A cursed punishment designed perfectly to fit this particularly selfish crime.  I would almost face god's most scathing wrath in an attempt to Escape YOU, to try to Leave YOU, to regain my sanity lost while trying to Love YOU, to stop living in this nightmare Created by YOU!