Hoard of the Fox

1 Comments

Hoard of the Fox

Find the river brimming bright in dusky light.
Wooded shadows roaming free ready to fight.
Nightime taking over. Light of truth concealed.
Hidden smolder lying dormant yet revealed.
Pensively perched, the Fox perceived my approach.
Upon this poetess he had dared to poach.
Now I encroach to retrieve nocturnally
My hoard of poems stolen so stealthily.

With this awareness he waits without wonder.
Given in, he wanes and begins to wander
Grazing grasses, in the face of my grand guile,
Guiding me along the way in gradual style.
So surreptitiously I surmised his plot,
Surpassing lies and riding time to this spot.
Reverantly I thank the Day gratefully!
That what was promised has this way come to me!

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RHPeat commented on Hoard of the Fox

05-21-2009

I would suggest taking a hard look at the gerunds (ing) words, The hard end stops on many of the lines also hit me as too heavy in the flow of the piece. The best line ending for me is (wander grazing grasses) for it enjambs and reads through into the next line. I find that stronger poetry by maintaining a flow to the words. a poet friend/RH Peat

Brandylynn

05/27/2009

I use gerunds generously, I know. It has been an easy way to add one syllable. But I have to admit I'm a little confused. I put hard stops at the end of every line except the enjambment you mentioned. But I thought the wander at the end still held its own pause in the rhythm. Thank you for your comments. I believe I can make some changes to that section.

Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history.

Plato (BC 427-BC 347) Greek philosopher.

Brandylynn’s Poems (2)

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