Sitting here alone I start to think about the past. As the pain rolls over me, memories that I thought I had Forgotten or for whatever reason I shouldve forgotten come back. It sends a chill down my spine. Not the kind that you just get over, Its the kind that until you let it go it never stops. Like its haunting you. Pleading for it to go away I try to think of something else. But it gets shoved out of my mind to make room for the thoughts that I once loved to have. I used to keep them so close and yet now I try to push them away. Painfull memories of the past and how it used to be. Painfull now to talk about and to remember. Ones that where once so happy and now filled with hate. Hate and anger now come with those memories. Deciete and lies. You never know how many skeletons are in your closet till you sit down and stop running, they seem to all catch up at once. The past is supposed to be just that... But why is it that people like to try to bring it up, Or make you think about it?? I find it hard to believe how many of your so called friends actually are just there to stab you in the back as you walk away. I am tired of all the bullshit and trying to weed through the lies. They will get tangled someday and that will be payment enough I suppose. My life now is just me subsisting not actually living at all. I am trapted in my own personal hell, and I cant get out now. So many decisions I should have made, I always make too late. I never understood that until now. Everything I have ever done has always been a last minute decision now in the end it hurt me more than it did any good. Now im just attempting to kill time in my life when I should be enjoying it. How do you enjoy something when everyday you wish you didnt exist? No attention from anyone, noone to hold me at night to tell me it'll be alright. Noone to help me dry my tears when i start to cry. I want to live not just subsist......................