The times of me folding my hands together and praying lately has been a little slim. I had to wipe the dust off the cover of the bible just to see the words on the front "Holy Bible" to remind me of a good past I once grew up in. It is not that I have lost God or ever stopped loving him, it has just been harder I suppose, especially when you are alone and don't have many worries to pray for that can impact your life in a major way. I know it sounds bad kind of to "pray when you are in need of help" but I don't think that is it. He is always with you and you always love him, you are just praying to give you strength when you need it more.
One month ago I met a woman named Cristina that I cherish and tonight I pray for my Love:
Dear Lord: Please don't let me fuck up our relationship. As much as I have tried in the past my heart has always been buried and smothered to the point where I have almost totally forgotten what the meaning of love is. In every past relationship all my counterparts always told me to not use the phrase "I love you" so much because it looses its meaning. With Cristina she wants to hear it every day, every hour, every minute because those words each and every single time we say them only shows how much we mean to each other and brings us even closer together in our hearts. I am very effectiveness and love the words every time she says them to me. Some times because of the pain in my life the love has been gone in my face. I have hidden it behind walls so well its natural to not show it in my eyes, my smile, every wrinkle of my forehead, the twitching of my nose. Its hidden. But sometimes Cristina can make it show again, and it is the only thing at matters. At that time there is no other world,no bills, no work, no friends needing help. Its just us, and its love.
I pray to you Lord that I can be the loving father and husband that Cristina is looking for . I have no prior practice, I have not been saving money for the future, I am a bum in many ways. I would like to change but I need a hand and a push in the right direction to become a better one. I pray that you give me strength to overcome the challenges ahead, and to adapt to make a better life for my family.
Finally tonight, I pray to you Lord that when the time comes that you take me first, because I can not imagine living a physical life with-out Cristina in it.Amen.