Light danced across his body
from the alarm clock
in the corner
The silhouette more than visible

as I took it and nothing in

            at once

Strange how the more we grasp at memory

the more easily it trickles down our fingers

to mingle with bittersweet tears

Strange how often I lie

            about that time

            when I felt so alive and so full

            of earth sky and red strings—

                        empty now

                                    wondering if you felt it too

That pull of suchness

            That dragged me naked into an open field

I have to feel you were there

            clothed and pulling wild flowers

            throwing them at my feet and asking why

                        why I could demand more from you

Why I would need more than flowers

            even as they dried, pooled around

            locking me in place

                        afraid to touch reality

And find my way home

            and get dressed

                        and move

                                    reentering the places I had been

I slept standing

            and when I woke up, you were gone.

Trudging through the girt

            of decaying flowers and into a new field

                        is my greatest fear.