You send me signs all the time.

11:11 is the time I always see.

It took me years to understand.

11/11/1991 is the date

That brings sad memories.

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t get there in time.

But my small children, I could not leave behind.

I had to wait for their great Grand parents to arrive.

I couldn’t, wouldn’t bring them there.

I wanted to be there with a great need,

But your grand children I just couldn’t leave.

Tomorrow again comes that sad day.

When I have to remember that you had to go away.

With the pain you were in, I could never ask you to stay.

I understand now, but not on that day.

I felt I let you down when I didn’t arrive in time.

There are days when I can feel you around.

A sense of peace and love abound.

I feel the energy in my hands when you are near.

In my heart I will always hold you dear.

I lived through a lot and I know you are proud.

Many times I wanted to end it all.

Then I would think of the pain I would cause.

My family and friends didn’t deserve that pain.

To have them feel the pain of me leaving by my own hand.

My husband has stood by me through so much.

The touch of his hand pulled me through so much.

I tortured myself with guilt and sorrow,

 18 years it will be tomorrow.

Where did the time go, is what I want to know.

Maybe tonight you will come in my dreams.

I miss hearing your strong steady voice.

Your playful laughter brought great memories.

I cry now longing to see you again.

But it has to wait a bit longer you see.

I just can’t bear to leave my family!

So please come and visit me while I sleep.

Help me to feel my heart at peace.

I’m 47 now you see,

But I still miss you my loving Daddy.

One Day I will see you again.

Maybe God will let me stay then.

With love for my Daddy,

From your daughter Beth