This is not a quiet struggle.

Mine has been public.

Humiliating, agonizing, frustrating, hard.

I still have not made full peace with the things that have happened or the direction my life hath veered.

I still have not forgiven my family for their role in my complicated life.

Why do they accuse Me?

Who are THEY to judge?

Have they walked a mile in my shoes, or even a few steps?

Have they braced themselves for the fear of the Unknown, and the Fear of the KNOWN?

Have they wandered or pondered on the trails that I have ran along? Literally sank my feet into the mud and the guts of things.

Have they sung the songs that I have sang, felt the pain that I have felt, or made the MISTAKES that I have made?

They know NOT what THEY have DONE....TO ME.

And for their sake,
for their safety,
for their well being,
I pray they will never know the depths of the darkness in my soul that I have seen?

I pray they will never feel the injustice I have felt.

I pray they will never feel the sting of being stabbed in the front by those you call sister, doctor, and FRIEND.

I pray they know not what they have done or the monster they have created.

For if they did know,
if THEY did SEE,
they would see..................ME.

I do not want to be seen in this light,
NOT NOW,
not EVER.