For every one step forward, I take two backwards.
I stand in the same place
Yet it feels like I have run a mile.
Hope it seems, has been a luxury
I only had and enjoyed yesterday

Oh how I long for those care free days
Those days when I did not know much
Ignorance is a curse till you taste knowledge
Then you long for ignorance again
When knowledge throws its light
It exposes loss, exposes pain and fear
Exposes doubt and hate
Exposes the loveless existence I call life

Easy it is not to care, not to feel
Not to long, neither to hope
Oh I remember
When every one was out those walls
Those tall, thick walls I had protecting me
I felt like I was safe, free and comfortable
Why I had to care and feel,
I still can not comprehend.

In the dark I lie, finding myself
Back to those grounds where the walls used to stand
Mending my wounded existence
Because the people who tore the walls
Were not careful to instruct me
Destitute and alone I find myself
Not knowing what next.
The way forward seem scary
There is no one there to take my hand
And introduce me to the alien world I find myself in

I can not stand where I am
My shelter and protection is torn to pieces
Wounded, hurt and caught in a limbo
All alone I stand, shaking and shivering
Wondering and wandering, hoping and searching
For answers that seem beyond my grasp
If God is really there, this will be a fine time
A fine time to show up

As I sit in the heap
That once upon a time used to be my life
The tears fall, fall and fall yet again
They do, and I can not stop them

If tears heals wounds, I believe I will be healed
But as I soon find out, my pain did not go
Neither did my aloneness
It is yet another man made mirage
It only gives promises of release that
Never was and never is