You Laid there with your juices flowing, heart pounding, body dripping wet, you motioned he motioned and both of you became one. Never expected nor did you consider the fact that I was being conceived yet you continued and continued until there was me. He beat you, he stomped you, trying to rid you of me. But, I begged for my life and that why I am here. Inside you was hell I know it, I tried to come many times before it was time. But, because you didn't want me I still wanted my life. Born two months early, why? I really can't say but my heart tells me you always wanted me to go away. You proved it by the bruises you left on your baby girl and I understand that you were preparing me to get tormented by the world. It's sad and unfair but that's how it is but, I didn't ask to be born, didn't ask for this life and to be left all alone no mother no father how can anyone understand how this feels? With no hope for the future, no role model to be a good mother and wife. You ruined my life, all my dreams became nightmares and sadness turned to tears as I longed for my mother and father throughout the years. You gave me up and away because I was too much for you to bare, but did you have to do me so wrong? How could you not even care? Now I am a woman, still patching up my rugged childhood and past, still longing for my mother and my long lost dad. Now that I am older and more eager to understand why haven't you looked for me to answer all of the questions in my head? Why haven't come and given me comfort and peace of mind? I have a family now two daughters and one son, he died before his time and never met biological grand mom. How could you never pick up a phone and say are you my little girl, do you need a helping hand, do you need a shoulder to lean on, do you need me to step up now even if its just pretend? How could you never write a letter and say how are you doing in school, say no to drugs, stay away from boys, how could you never send a gift on Christmas the day of birth of our Dear Lord? Did you for get that you made me did you forget that you had a child? Growing up in strangers homes probably getting molested by their men. Did you ever consider that some of those homes were maybe worse than the one that you tried to provide for me? No you didn't even think, giving me away before I was three, its hard now because everyone sticks to their own kind and me i am just her with my kids looking any day any time for you or my mom to come knocking and tell me why you both went away? Why I had to be born and then given away? I wish that you would come now while we still have breath in our bones and not wait until the end. Still I will not have forgotten that you made love and then neglected the after fact of that lust, your daughter-baby daughter that you have done so in just. How could you walk away and leave me stranded in life? If I didn't have my God I would've been dead three times over once or twice. I've been married and divorced looking for and finding nothing, but still neglect and abuse. I want closure and answers so that my heart can finally rest, I need peace and understanding in order for me to be the best, mother to my children and guide them the same way and to love one another and for them and their children to learn never to turn away, on your own flesh and blood. And never leave your children whether its hard or not good. Just do the best you can as long as it's all that you could. Never stray form your children as long as you do all that you you could.