I don’t know exactly when it was you arrived
but
I knew you were here.
One breath was dry
and the next
tingled all the way to my lungs
light and airy
and all the way back again
refreshed.
I was alive.
You had entered my safety zone.
So much for my so called “safety zone”.
My brave attempt at self preservation.
Once you were there
and
I had breathed you in.
Once you blocked out the light,
the light that had been bothering me
for so very long.
Eternity it seemed.......
Once you were there
I couldn’t deny your existence
any longer.

No one gets in
No one gets hurt
especially me.


That’s what the “zone” is all about.

How the hell did you get in?
Did you think fucking your brains out
was an invitation?
Damn carnal needs!
I hate to tell you
but
I was a million lifetimes away.
I was a princess
a president
a pretzel maker
anything but me.
The disaster worse than the Titanic.

But
you were here.

Now what do I do with you

You do feel good
in here with me.
Like how a new flannel shirt feels
like your favorite old one,
the one you had to throw away because it was full of holes.

I hate the way you divert my attention.
I love the way you divert my attention.

Making me want to live again
love again
feel again.

So
You are here,
stuck inside of my little safety zone.
It was supposed to keep people out
not
keep people in.

You do feel good.
Warm against my cold skin.
Fucking you is fun
Loving you is even better
Loving you is so much better.
LOVING YOU IS SO MUCH BETTER.

Harder
but
better.
Scarier
but
better
Riskier
but
so much better.





If I love you,
like my flannel shirt.
If I dare to enjoy wearing you,
wearing your love,
love you.

Will you love me?

Will you stay trapped in my little safety zone?
or,
will you find a way out?

Maybe if I let you stay,
wear you,
love you.
Maybe if I do that,
just maybe,
my zone will increase.....
just enough to accommodate you.

I am so afraid,
afraid it will shrink again,
develop holes again...
Know what I mean?

I think throwing you away
might
be
so
very hard to do.
.