What can I say?

I am who I am

Dark, twisted,

Happy to laugh

At someone else’s expense,

Ever ready for trouble.

I imagine worlds,

Whole universes,

that are so corrupt,

So perverted,

they often come crashing,

Barreling into my dreams at night.

Flashing through my mind

During my waking hours

As I pick up my kids

Or

While I’m waiting in line at Walmart.

I stand behind you,

Waiting to check out,

watching as you smile

and gather your purchaes.

And think,

What if someone was waiting for you,

In the parking lot,

Waiting to grab you,

Stuff a gag in your mouth.

Would you fight?

Would you freeze in fear?

It would be a brown sedan,

I think.

Late model four door,

To blend.

He would shove you in the trunk,

Very quickly.

Would anyone notice?

Just me.

Would I help?

Probably not.

I can see you shivering,

Tears running down your face.

Hands tied behind your back,

Towel stuffed in your mouth.

The only light is the soft red glow from the tail lights.

I know what your thinking.

“Please let me out.”

“I have a family”

“Oh God, save me!”

The car roles to a stop,

The soft crunch of foliage tells you

No one, no one, will be there to help

When he springs the latch.

I know what your thinking.

“Where am I?”

“God I hope someone heard”

“Oh God, save me.”

You hear his footsteps approach

And the trunk finally opens.

Light burns your eyes

So you shut them tight.

I know what your thinking

“I don't want to die”

“I don't want to hurt”

“Oh, God, save me!”

He reaches in

you flinch back.

But it's a shovel he grabs,

You sigh in relief

until it hits you full force.

I know what your thinking

“He's going to kill me!”

“He's gonna bury me!”

“Oh, God save me!”

He ignores your moans

your whimpers,

your pathetic, teary

puppy eyes.

Ripping you from the trunk

by a handful of hair,

he drags you across the gravel,

it ripping through your panty hose.

He yanks you through weeds,

ditches, more gravel,

it last forever, feels like miles

but inside you fear the end of this journey.

Your world slinks farther away

your family, your friends

disappear as you trail your

personal grim reaper.

First you struggled,

kicking, trying to dig in

then you go limp,

hoping beyond hope he'll drop you.

Then you give up.

Hope gone.

Life disappearing

death emanate.

Such a quitter.

Such a blob of worthlessness

to give up on life so quickly

You deserve it, I think.

He stops.

And begins to dig

you cry

and watch your grave deepen.

As he turns to you,

shovel raised,

your breath catches

this is it.

“Mam? Mam?”

The grating voice of the cashier pulls me back

“Are you ready to check out?”

I smile, groaning inwardly, and begin unloading my cart.

I watch as you walk away

stuffing your recite in your bag

smiling, unknowing,

clueless

What can I say?

I am who I am

Dark, twisted,

Happy to laugh

At someone else’s expense,

Ever ready for trouble.