Wonderin'...Why?

I've had my alone time with God
Praying every night that I can wake up,
Look over and see the sun shinning on your face every morning...
Would like to place my hand over your head, just so you can feel God's given Angel in you.
I still blame myself for you taking the time and energy to up and leave me...
No explanation, no call, no worrying of how I might be doing, what I'm going through...
Oh, how life changes so suddenly.
I find myself looking for what you might have left behind...
An old t-shirt, a hat, something to put on so I can remember your scent or even how you felt on me.
Could it be my imperfected body, an imperfected mind??
I thought my creativeness would keep you on your feet.
When we used to laugh or play fight on the floor,
When you used to grab my ass when I'd walk up the stairs...
I really thought you had it in for me.
Playing porn in the bedroom or the gentle you when I'd kiss on the forehead to the tip of my nose,
Placing your lips on my mouth, moving to my breast, down to my waist...You catch my drift.
That's what it all is...memories, that play over and over...
A secret place where I go to when I lay in an empty bed, feeling the almighty hands...Comforted by the sound of your voice...
Making me miss you, imagining you here, cause I no longer have a choice.

You will always have me here,
Craving your presence...
Blood calling out your name...
and still wonderin'...why??