Through the grace I have with my Father I ca now, finally write you this letter, and you will bear tears as I do now.
The stamp I shall use will carry it faithfully and without delay.
Before you left me as a very young boy you were my bestest friend!
You made my lunchs for school and my bag always hit the spot.
When no one else wanted to play silly little kids games I knew who"s lap to sit in.
When I looked into your green eyes I saw myself years into the future.
You could make me laugh at a funny face or even the popcorn we popped together seemed so special.
I can still smell the home made cookies.
Even your last day on earth was a planned picnic with all of my b rothers and sisters at Lake Merrit Park.
I did not understand your heart attack so when you fell to the ground, as you did, I thought it was our game.
Forgive me. The nightmares it caused took seasons to forget.
Why the Father permitted me to be with you on that day of passing only now 50 years later do I embrace.
I did not know where the men in that ancient and slowambulance took you.
Every morning I searched for you, always hoping I even tried prayingyou back. Sometimes if you ar real good wishs happen.
But forme they became cures and I hated you and whoever made you leave me.
Finally your husband was allowed time off from the navy and the war to come home.
All he would say was grow up mommie is not comming back.
I remmber the house full of never visiting relatives, of food and a lot of pats on the head and not wanted hugs but no one ever said the truth of why you left.
The sea was your husbands true wife and she demanded he return, he did and I don't remember him much after that. A couple of custody hearings and I hated him to.
His name was John and he passed a few years ago and it is still difficult for me to think of him fondly.
Then came my foster parents and like a ferell kitten I would not be touched so they never adopted which is the next step for the orphan.
What mends the small heart not nourished with the tears of love?
Growing I searched every dark depth promising possibilities, finding no cure, no substitute.
Years pass and the Father sends into my life a Saint to touch and give all that you would have.
Some how, some way it worked. Children came and childre demand to be touched, children require love, children came into my house like rays of sunlight after the storm.
It wasthen I felt, heard you most, telling me it was alright to love someone else.
That love has no rules or limits and no score keeper. I will always love you Gerry.

M.Bryant
8-22-8