Three Sides of Eternity

2 Comments

Tags:
  • Philosophy
    • ,
  • Religion
    • ,
  • Love
    • ,
  • Family

    Poem Commentary

    This poem takes effort to read.  Read all the lines flush left first - - it is a poem by itself.  Next read all the indented lines - - they form a poem by themselves. Lastly, read each and every line in order from the top to the bottom, and that forms another poem.  I've written several of these, and, though challenging, I enjoy the finished poem.  I'd challenge each of you who reads this to try to do one of their own, not necessarily religious in nature.

    Three Sides of Eternity

     Heavenly choruses of angels serenade
    Examine hidden memories
    My entrance into this holy of holies
    I have them within me waiting
    Seducing my love - - for acceptance
    For eternities, depth of belonging
    From ages past to ages future, a song
    Harmonizing desires of living with God forever
    Attempting to compose new melodies
    I feel those who have gone before
    Heavenly choruses of angels serenade
    Living incomplete without me - - watching
    My entrance into this holy of holies
    My self, my children, my grandchildren
    Seducing my love - - for acceptance
    Are we not one, a single unit
    From ages past to ages future, a song
    Being sung and harmonized, additions
    Attempting to compose new melodies
    Becoming new notes in the family song?

    Poem Comments

    (2)

    Please login or register

    You must be logged in or register a new account in order to
    leave comments/feedback and rate this poem.

    Login or Register

    laydbak1 commented on Three Sides of Eternity

    07-05-2009

    I've now read this piece several times and it's interesting... It may have been somewhat complicated to piece together the message within a message, but overall, I just don't see enough differences in the three messages to warrant looking at this piece as more than one poem... Perhaps if you did the anti-thesis play on this; ie, the good versus evil, instead of all one core theme as this reads... It might make for a stronger message... Just a suggestion... Still a good write...
    Reply to Comment

    linlee

    07/10/2009

    I have actually thought about doing that. Now I think I have to do so. I was trying to make it like a harmony and counter harmony of one piece, but you're right. It's a bit stagnant. It's a difficult write, but I think if I work on it, it'll be worth it. Your comments are great. Thank you again.

    wheelsal commented on Three Sides of Eternity

    06-30-2009

    This is delightful and tells the story generation after generation and the song we leave behind. Nice write.
    Reply to Comment

    linlee

    07/03/2009

    Thank you. Can you find any areas where you think I could improve? I'm a poet, so I fall in love with my words. I'm not objective. You are the only one who has read this one, and I appreciate it, because a number of my poems haven't been read by anyone at all, so I really appreciate your taking the time.

    wheelsal

    07/03/2009

    Wow! This is an awesome responsibility. I do this in classes but trod carefully tender poets poems. I'll read it again. Look in private messages.

    If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.

    Emily Dickinson (1830-1886) American poet.

    linlee’s Poems (17)

    Title Comments Submitted
    Title Comments Submitted
    My Last Goodbye 3 07/16/2009
    The Hate of Man 5 06/30/2009
    Get Real 1 06/30/2009
    Prejudice 1 06/30/2009
    Three Sides of Eternity 2 06/29/2009
    Unopened Drawers 4 06/29/2009
    A Quick Melt 1 06/29/2009
    Keyboard of May Flowers 2 06/29/2009
    Spring Brown, the Beginning 6 06/27/2009
    humility 1 06/26/2009
    Middle October 3 06/26/2009
    Middle March 3 06/26/2009
    The Pull 3 06/20/2009
    New Puppies 5 06/20/2009
    after the spring rain 3 06/20/2009
    Walking through dusk 2 06/07/2009
    Teasel 4 06/07/2009
    Top of Page