To Whom it May no Longer Concern

Sometimes I wonder if I will always be an addict, and nothing more
I know its my fault im fighting this alone, I closed all the doors
I wait each week for the new episode of the show called intervention
I cry for the addicts and their families, someone paid attention
I dont really understand how nobody seems to notice
That when I say Im ok with my meds, that story is bogus
After watching others stories, it just doesnt seem
That my life isnt worth their time, just to intervene
If everyone keeps watching, and doesnt take the step
They will see I couldnt do it, I really needed help
I guess its possible I am really not worth it
But that begs the question, who among us is perfect
I am hurt so very bad, that im really in a catch twenty-two
But giving Morphine to an opiod addict, doesnt seem like the thing to do
Im scared to death to try any of the other options
But what Im doing now, has me one foot in the coffin
When its in my hand I just cant seem to resist
There has to be another way, a way for me to exist
Its really just a matter of time
Until I take so much, that I cross the line
The line is thin, between not enough and what can take your life
Im not ready to leave here, I love my children and my wife
Honestly, I feel like I no longer have the right to even ask for help
So I will go it alone and file this problem on the back of a shelf
I drug everyone through hell and back, and it just wasnt fair
I dont blame anyone but myself, I understand why you no longer care
I may die wondering if I ever had anyone in my life
That the good I did for them outweighed the strife
I dont really want anyone to read this, Im not looking for attention
But if I should happen to go, I want it known, I prayed for intervention
Look me in the eyes, and you will see what Ive become
Dont say you didnt see it, I know none of you are dumb
You know what, I guess I dont really understand it all
My wife and kids I get it, Brother, Sister how did you miss the call
We have our seperate lives and dont see each other all the time
Try to tell me you didnt see me falling apart, you would have to be blind
Bro, When I dont have my meds I cant show up to work
I just needed your help man, Im not trying to be a jerk
Sis, I guess its you that knew the problem was worse than all the rest
You laugh with me about my addiction, was that giving me your best?
I see how we always seem to just use each other
Why didnt you help me ? Was it just to much trouble
Well anyways, here I sit, all alone
What of God, if he is real, will he leave his throne
Or will I be left to struggle with the other addicts, were in the millions
Most of us will parish, a lucky few will make it to a Pavillion
I say my prayers, not knowing if there is even an ever after
I pray the group I fall into, wont be the first one, but will be the latter
If I shouldnt make it, please save your tears for yourself
I want you to replace my problems with something nice upon that shelf
When I was younger, everyone thought I had the courage of a lion
Truth be told my cowardess is all thats kept me from dying
You should know that wanting to die was something of the past
Right now, Im searching for a way to live, a way that will last
If you know someone who is suffering go to intervention.com
I guess there is nobody left to click the button, Im sorry Dad, sorry Mom
I want to see them, just not this way
I hope this reaches ya'll. I need ya today
Id like to think that if I could start it all over, I wouldnt be the same
My dear, I'd sell my soul to the devil just to erase some of your pain
Who knows, maybe I was his all along
Or is God breaking me down, so he can build me strong
So many questions, but answers I come up short
How do I make it back to the times where I had support
I know who takes care of me and who I owe for my life
And nobody deserves more apoligies than my loving wife
I am not looking for your help, I just want you to understand
That I am trying to get back to living life with you again
So many things that I can never take back
And you are the only one to stand beside me, and its never been an act
If I fail and dont make it, it wasnt you, surely you can see
I pray I will make it, and get back to being me
SO , for everyone else who saw that I was suferring
I want to say thank you , thank you for nothing